Catching Your Faith

A number of my friends are being challenged in all areas for their life. Sometimes I find it hard to believe what friends endure. When there is no simple answer to how they recover. When all information points to destruction and plight. When no justification for the events aligning positively. I sum this up to people catching their faith.

Faith cannot be taught - but you can catch it. A friend told me that it well all work out just the way that it's suppose to. Then he ask me the degree of faith that I had. Of course I replied "Yes. I have faith".  He stopped me and told me that I was confusing faith with belief. 

To me belief is based on intellectual assurances that this is so, or this is not so. Some experience - mostly stubbornness on my part that this is the way it has gone. 

Today my belief is mostly based on faith and acceptance. 

I am going through changes in my life and my faith is that all is well and aligned in the universe for my current course of action. I am leaving the beautiful Palm Desert where I have called home for the last 20 years. It a combination of health and finances. My health has precluded me from working full time for that last 9 months and with the economy the way it is I was cut back to 3 half days a week. I just couldn't hold on for the medical system to diagnose me. 

They have narrowed it down to Crohn's disease  but they cannot completely rule out Cancer in my colon. I cannot financially wait for the answer so off to beautiful Wenatchee WA. My loving sister offered me a place to light with her family until I can get my feet on the ground. Sometime you have to take that empty handed leap of faith that this is meant to be. I have complete faith that this is the right move for me. 

What's your faith quotient? 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Hospital not Vacation Spa

I thought that I'd let you know what I've been going through. 

Last week I had a colonoscopy done. They found a severe infection in my colon along with a 2 centimeter mass. They thought that they could control the infection with a week stay in the hospital they could go back in and take a biopsy. It didn't work! 

They released me and scheduled me to return for another scope in about 2 weeks. Mentally, I am doing okay - it's still an adventure. But emotionally I am concerned about what the next step is. 

They told me that the infection in the reason that my energy has been sapped for the last 5 months. Throughout this time I wanted to increase my coaching practice and pick up a couple of part-time jobs to see me through this. But, I have discovered without any energy I have not succeeded in either one. 

I am here waiting to see what is next in my life. I do not believe that God tests any on us. I know for me that I turn to him when the chips are down. I am writing this as a cathartic prescription to total healing. I need this.

I thank you all for your positive input over the months. 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Nasmaste Speedo

Respecting Commitments

I am sitting here stewing over assuming that someone would do what they said they would do at a specific time.

I was brought up to keep my word and appointments. If something comes up, I was taught to call and make other arrangements - to communicate so the other party doesn't have to wonder what's going on. It's respectful. It's courtesy. It's the proper thing to do. 

For two days my friend told me that he had an errand to run and would be right over. To me that means maybe 15 or 30 minutes - not unreasonable. The first day I wanted to know what time so I could make other plans to remain productive while I waited or to be ready because we wanted to squeeze in a visit to the hospital to comfort a friend. Two hours later he showed up and acted as if nothing was wrong. 

The following day this same friend lead me to believe that he had an errand to run and would be right over to pick up something - maybe a 3 minute stop - and then he would be on his way. I prepared the items for pick up and waited. And waited. No call. 3 and a 1/2 hours later - still no word.

Since I was brought up by a man who based his livelihood and our families welfare from sales, (ie to be on time and prompt to close the sale) I feel totally disrespectful to not even - after a 1/2 hour to explain that he couldn't do it today. 

I believe that we know at the time we make a commitment, appointment, that we know if we will do what we say we are going to do. It's not that difficult. I do not say yes unless I mean yes. I do not say no unless I mean no. Am I that unreasonable to expect the same thing from others? It seems that I was born on a different planet. . maybe they were.

Today people will tell you what they think you want to hear and then blow you off at their convenience. 

How you do handle being blown off at an others whim? In business, to find someone who is trustworthy - specially in these economic times - standing out from the crowd, being respectful, communicating - means a lot. 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Totally Unreasonable??

"It's not like you're being totally unreasonable. It's that no one - seems to be willing to see things your way. Now - Why might that be?"

I know that I can relate to the statement. I have to admit - I don't think that it's wrong to have our own opinions. I believe it's only human nature that our personal experiences color our beliefs and reactions to ideals and events. This is not to say that things can change with new current factual information or a new personal experience.

I have to look to see if I need to evolve in certain areas. As we all should do. Am I hanging onto beliefs out of traditions and habits? Am I so entrenched in my beliefs that I have become closed minded to others' opinions. I hope not.

I find that I need - yes this is a real need - to remain willing, honest and open-minded as I walk through my life daily. Any resistance to new ideas and I find myself clogged with suffering. What do I mean? From time to time I suffer from not allowing myself to become vulnerable to what life is presenting me. I become a director and not a participant in life. A sad state of affairs.

Can you relate to being closed off to vulnerability and the gifts that it brings? What can you do to open yourself up? Could it be entrenched fear left over from eons ago? It might be interesting to discover what you find when you take an honest, open-minded, willing look? 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Accepting Good-Bye

I don't know why - but I have had a tough time accepting "good-bye and take care" from my last relationship. I guess it was because it wasn't my idea. Isn't that the way it goes.

Today I was able to close the door on it. I am so co-dependent when it come to relationships that it drives me - and them - nuts. I am working on it through men's group - 7-10 men that meet weekly for support and working the Coda steps. I have found relief.

I must add - it helps - but it doesn't totally relieve the pain of being rejected. What a demoralizing feeling. There really is nothing that you can do about but go through it.

I did get my guitar back and that helps. There is something about playing music that eases most of the pain. I have always turned to music when I go through losses. It is my way of grieving. 

Writing helps too.

I wish her only happiness and love . . . the same as I wish for myself.

Your Life - Your Rules

Namaste Speedo

Honor Life

I have been going through a number  of changes in my life recently. What I have learned walking my path is I have to be vigilant in my approach to friends and strangers a like. 

When circumstances affect my life style - relationship break-up or new, work changes - loosing or acquiring, health issues, personal loss - I have to remain optimistic and vulnerable to life and remain an observer to new opportunities placed in front of me. 

Life is a constant change from this to that. Whether it's a good change or bad is up to the amount of resistance to change that envelops me. When I release my resistance I become willing to welcome a new life full of excitement and surprise my spirit shines and I meet your spirit.

Today I choose to let go of all my resistance that has been blocking my life. I release it and shout to the heavens "Next". 

How do you choose to honor life today? Resistance is always followed by release - only we know how long it will take. I am responsible for my life and choices I make.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Old Friends

This morning I listened to a gal-friend tell me about a girlfriend that she has had for over thirty years and the struggles she's having watching her path in life. She told me that it breaks her heart to hear the denial and excuses that her friend gives for her destructive actions.

I ask her why does she choose to have her remain a close friend in her life? Her answer was the same answer that we give for keeping 'old friends' close to us - Loyalty to her friend.

I thought of what Erick Butterworth said (I paraphrase) - "The greatest harm we can do to ourselves or others is to keep them in our lives too long. We do not know when we meet someone whether they should remain in our lives 5 minutes or 50 years". When we hang on to people too long - we inhibit the wonderful experience of having some new soul walk into our lives full of surprise and delight.

I have been guilty of keep girlfriends, men, employers, whoever in my life to the point that they became a destructive influence to me. I dreaded their phone call or walking into work. Learning to 'let go' of them has given me the courage to create a vacuum so new positive influence, new jobs could enter my life.

It takes courage to set boundaries with old friends and employers. It takes courage to go through that 'empty scared' feeling of being alone. I have to garner the faith that I am doing what is best for 'my life'. It takes practice to risk that I am taking the right action for me.

Who are you hanging on to out of habit? Is your loyalty to yourself or others? Take an inventory of your "friends" and see what you find. I bet you will be surprised.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo