I was thinking about the world that we are living in today. It's a lot different than let's say the 1940's or 1950's in more ways that just the instant messaging, the internet, cell phones, etc.
Looking back to those days of yester-year, there was a code of conduct and ethics that I see missing today in so many influential areas of our lives. In TV and movies - the good-guys with white hats always won. We fought for God, Country and the American way of life. We said the pledge of allegiance in schools. Our news reports never buddied around with the people they were suppose to investigate. We had real heroes in our lives. Now maybe this is a little simplistic, but . . . . ?
When I look at our world and it's leaders, local and international news makers, TV and movie stars, grade schools and colleges - ah heck everything, I had to notice one thing that is glaring. We have no heroes to identify with. Really! Who are your heroes that you admire?
When I take my own inventory of heroes - I find it really lacking in substance. Why is that? Is it because I know too much about them? Is it because the way that I define a hero has changed over the years? I had a hard time putting a finger on it.
Growing up my father was my hero until I went to work for him and discovered that his feet were had of clay, just like mine. My movie star heroes turned into drunken wife beaters? My news reporters who I based my political opinions have become celebrity's in their with little objectivity and more public relation mouth-pieces. My industrial leaders have turned into greedy industrial unethical tyrants.
It's not that things and people have changed - it's through years of advertising and marketing campaigns that have molded me into a non- thinking idiot . . . I have discovered I need to re-develop my code of life lifeboat to survive our world today.
I have a code of principles today that I have tried to live by for the past 15 years. It has aided me to walk through the personal struggles, financial struggles and spiritual struggles that we all face.
When the world looks bleak with no relief in sight, I rely on my faith that all will work out and I take some positive action and trust the outcome.
So I ask you . . . what are the principles that guide your life? I hope your personal code to living life is more than just an advertising or marketing campaign. You deserve the best.
Here'a an exercise for you. Make a list of your heroes. Take a look at what they represent. Then make a list of the principles you live your life by today. You will thank me later.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
Friday, November 14, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Dr Phil Show
******* UPDATE Friday November 14th Ch 2 CBS 3pm
I just learned that if you want to watch or record Jane and her daughter ( I changed the names) they're on Dr Phil today. . . . Sorry I just learned this. Channel 2 CBS in the Valley at 3pm.
*******
Here is the latest up date on Jane and her entitled daughter and their visit to the Dr. Phil Show. Jane was brought onto the set after her daughter had a chance to tell her tale of abuse.
I just learned that if you want to watch or record Jane and her daughter ( I changed the names) they're on Dr Phil today. . . . Sorry I just learned this. Channel 2 CBS in the Valley at 3pm.
*******
Here is the latest up date on Jane and her entitled daughter and their visit to the Dr. Phil Show. Jane was brought onto the set after her daughter had a chance to tell her tale of abuse.
Dr. Phil opened up the dialog by echoing her daughter's frightful tale of being asked to pay rent after 6 years of rent free living in the house. Jane corrected him by telling the truth that rent was always expected - except her daughter always had an excuse for not paying it. This went on through a litany of ploys by her daughter which finally ended with her daughter saying that she did not want Jane in her life any longer.
To that Dr. Phil replied that she was adult and could choose who was in her life. And, to Jane, he said that she should back away and stay out of their lives. In short, Dr. Phil told her daughter to grow and take care of herself and her family. Dr Phil then said that he had 2 adult children, 25 and 30, who are financially independent.
Dr Phil said this is one of the saddest programs that he's done since it takes two people to have any type of relationship and only one to ruin the chances of having one.
Jane had hoped that Dr Phil would send them to Therapy, but with only Jane wanting the relationship he could do anything.
There was a lot of juicy things that went on but I choose not to bore you. The bottom line is once our kids become adults - they are adults. No matter how much we want them to remain our children. We have to let them grow through the bumps of life. Just like we had to do. Money never fixes anything - it just delays our kids financial maturity. It's a lesson. That's all it is. It's never punishment.
Bravo Jane - you are my hero. I feel sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted. But. you will put this behind you and get on with your life. Happy - Healthy - and in Love.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
When do we help our Adult Kids?
I got a call from an old friend today who wanted to wish me happy birthday and apologize for not sending me a card. I told her that was fine I didn't expect anything that her call was sweet. Then she went on to tell me about Peter, her son, and his Medical battle for the last 2 months.
26 and full of energy coupled with a great wit that was always followed by a lengthy explanation. He really is fun, just young. Peter called her in August telling her that he can hardly talk and he was scared. She drove into LA to pick him and take him to the emergency room back here in the Valley.
She was conflicted since she has been working a codependency program, but she picked him up. Her brothers told her to play tough love - that he could get himself to the doctors. Her son has had a history of drug abuse but he's been sober for 2 1/2 years.
At the emergency room they discovered a golf ball sized growth on his vocal chords. She made an appointment with a ENT specialist for the next day. They scheduled to remove it the following day and to check him out with a CRT of his neck, throat and chest just to be safe. A few days after the surgery, the doctors told him that they found a "spot" in his thyroid.
After biopsies they determined that it was early cancer and took out half he thyroid. Yesterday he went back into the operation theater to remove the rest of his thyroid.
They told her that more than likely, because it was determined to be a slow growing cancer, noting would have developed until his 50's when it could have been fatal. So told me that had she not drove him to the doctors - listening to her brothers - he could have died.
I reminded her that she is number one his mother. We check things out before we jump to conclusions. Had this been just another drug-addicts slip, she had the tools to ask the 3 questions: Do you have a problem with Drugs? Do you want to stop? Do you want to go to a meeting? An answer of "No" to any one of these questions she would have had to walk away.
But first you have to discover what is going on. He honestly had lost his voice. He did need the help of a specialist. Being a mother is not necessarily being codependent. We help our kids when they ask us for our help. We do not jump in and rescue them.
I told her that she has enough recovery not to ask her brother for advise. And to ask herself why she thinks she needs their permission. Trust what she has learned and work with other recovered women as her support system.
God bless them both - they are very dear to my heart.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
She was conflicted since she has been working a codependency program, but she picked him up. Her brothers told her to play tough love - that he could get himself to the doctors. Her son has had a history of drug abuse but he's been sober for 2 1/2 years.
At the emergency room they discovered a golf ball sized growth on his vocal chords. She made an appointment with a ENT specialist for the next day. They scheduled to remove it the following day and to check him out with a CRT of his neck, throat and chest just to be safe. A few days after the surgery, the doctors told him that they found a "spot" in his thyroid.
After biopsies they determined that it was early cancer and took out half he thyroid. Yesterday he went back into the operation theater to remove the rest of his thyroid.
They told her that more than likely, because it was determined to be a slow growing cancer, noting would have developed until his 50's when it could have been fatal. So told me that had she not drove him to the doctors - listening to her brothers - he could have died.
I reminded her that she is number one his mother. We check things out before we jump to conclusions. Had this been just another drug-addicts slip, she had the tools to ask the 3 questions: Do you have a problem with Drugs? Do you want to stop? Do you want to go to a meeting? An answer of "No" to any one of these questions she would have had to walk away.
But first you have to discover what is going on. He honestly had lost his voice. He did need the help of a specialist. Being a mother is not necessarily being codependent. We help our kids when they ask us for our help. We do not jump in and rescue them.
I told her that she has enough recovery not to ask her brother for advise. And to ask herself why she thinks she needs their permission. Trust what she has learned and work with other recovered women as her support system.
God bless them both - they are very dear to my heart.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
So you want to have Kids!
As I am writing this - Jane and her daughter are over in LA taping the Dr. Phil Show.
Jane was so emotional from the Friday interview that she decided to drive up to her other son's house to spend the weekend with his wife and the new twins. She'd had enough stress in her life and she really just wanted to get away and play with the babies. Great plan - right?
Well it was a great plan up until the time her son reminded her of the time he chose to go live with his dad after the divorce. He told her every fear, broken promise, abandonment issue that he felt he was entitled to dump on her . . . oh he's around 40 years old.
She listened until it really got abusive then she told him to stop. They got into a heated discussion that lasted for a couple of hours when Jane finally realized that she had had enough.
Jane told me that she has decided to cut off contact with all of her kids - there is a middle son also. She is tired of carrying around all of their hurt and verbal abuse that they believe they have a right to dump on her. "I just want to be left alone to live my life. I have spent the last 40 years trying to love and live their lives - attempting to make it easier for each of them. Enough!"
Bravo Jane. I don't' know what it takes for parents to realize that our job is the raise our kids until they become responsible adults. And if they do not become responsible adults - I believe that it is up to us to cut them free - leave the nest so to speak - so they can learn how to become responsible adults. The longer we wait - the more guilt we take on when we finally do close the door.
It's hard to cut them off and watch them struggle . . .but like Jane, I bet you tried it the other way and you're suffering the same abuse. You've tried giving them another chance to no avail.
I really feel for Jane - I've known her for 20 years and she is a kind, gentle, funny, loving, generous woman. She deserves better.
I told her not to worry about Dr Phil . . . it's entertain for him, his viewers and the audience. They want a show. I think he's a softer, gentler Jerry Springer.
One last thing . . the Producer asked Jane what she hoped would come from all this "I just want to have a loving relationship with my daughter" was her reply.
When the same Producer ask her daughter she replied - "I want Dr Phil to show her what an evil bitch she's been to me".
I guess that says it all.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
Jane was so emotional from the Friday interview that she decided to drive up to her other son's house to spend the weekend with his wife and the new twins. She'd had enough stress in her life and she really just wanted to get away and play with the babies. Great plan - right?
Well it was a great plan up until the time her son reminded her of the time he chose to go live with his dad after the divorce. He told her every fear, broken promise, abandonment issue that he felt he was entitled to dump on her . . . oh he's around 40 years old.
She listened until it really got abusive then she told him to stop. They got into a heated discussion that lasted for a couple of hours when Jane finally realized that she had had enough.
Jane told me that she has decided to cut off contact with all of her kids - there is a middle son also. She is tired of carrying around all of their hurt and verbal abuse that they believe they have a right to dump on her. "I just want to be left alone to live my life. I have spent the last 40 years trying to love and live their lives - attempting to make it easier for each of them. Enough!"
Bravo Jane. I don't' know what it takes for parents to realize that our job is the raise our kids until they become responsible adults. And if they do not become responsible adults - I believe that it is up to us to cut them free - leave the nest so to speak - so they can learn how to become responsible adults. The longer we wait - the more guilt we take on when we finally do close the door.
It's hard to cut them off and watch them struggle . . .but like Jane, I bet you tried it the other way and you're suffering the same abuse. You've tried giving them another chance to no avail.
I really feel for Jane - I've known her for 20 years and she is a kind, gentle, funny, loving, generous woman. She deserves better.
I told her not to worry about Dr Phil . . . it's entertain for him, his viewers and the audience. They want a show. I think he's a softer, gentler Jerry Springer.
One last thing . . the Producer asked Jane what she hoped would come from all this "I just want to have a loving relationship with my daughter" was her reply.
When the same Producer ask her daughter she replied - "I want Dr Phil to show her what an evil bitch she's been to me".
I guess that says it all.
Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo
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