Risking New Experiences

With the economy as it is across the country a lot of people are or will be experiencing change. People are changing careers or jobs, adding another job, wondering if they will loose their homes, fearful that their retirement savings will not sustain them - you name it. What we are talking about here are people dreading new experiences, a change in their plans or routines.

To most people - new experiences are frightful. It causes anxiety, nervousness, apprehension and in short we do not like it. It threatens our perceived entitlements that we have worked hard to achieve.

When you take a look at what is really going on is stretching of our comfort zone. We are leaving what we know and entering the unknown. We are entering areas we have to relinquish our perceived control. It causes us to become fearful.

We would rather do anything - even if it's mundane, routine, lackluster, boring, anything but take on a new experience.

We question ourselves. We become unworthy, unqualified, scared and unhappy. All because we have not experienced whatever before. Our first thoughts are not how exciting this experience will be - but, I will fail, I won't fit in, it won't be fun. We end up talking ourselves out of a wonderful experience. We hold on to these negative thoughts like our life depends on failure. We talk ourselves out of anything good that might come from any new experience.

Is this our nature? I don't know. I fall into this trap just like you. I need to nudge myself to try anything new no matter how safe it is. I have to push myself to take a risk most times. And, I might add, most of my new experiences become exciting and some life changing - mostly for the better. That's how silly I am.

Here's a piece that I found years ago that gave me a nudge and the courage to take risks. I hope you enjoy it - It might change you life!

RISKING -
.... to Laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
.... to Weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
.... to Reach out for another is to risk involvement.
.... to Expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
.... to Place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk rejection.
.... to Love is to risk not being loved in return.
.... to Live is to risk dying.
.... to Hope is to risk despair.
.... to Try is to risk failure.
.... but, Risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all.
.... the Person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
- - - - Anonymous

It sums up everything quit neatly. Risking is its own reward.

Namaste Speedo

The End of My Rope

For me - it takes a long time to get to the end of my rope. I don't know why, but I will hang on to something - behaviors or people - far longer than I should.

What I'm talking about are "habits".

When I looked my habits or Non-Productive Character Traits I discovered the majority of them have out lived their usefulness. But, for some reason I continue to hang on to them. It's as if - as a girlfriend once put it "without your character defects - you wouldn't have any character at all". Now, I know that she was kidding - but there is some truth in her observation.

For most of us, we will hang onto something - hairstyle, dress, sarcasm, opinion, relationships, job or whatever because we feel that we own it. We've always acted that way. It gives us a sense of identity. It's who we think we are. Habits!

Okay - here's the question I - and I suspect you too - might ask yourself: What would people think of me if I suddenly changed? What would I do? How would I react to familiar situations? I've had these habitual reactions for years - they're mine. They've served me well!?

When I come to the end of my rope - it usually arrives with pain caused by emotional loss.

Change happens in an instant - I just don't know how long it takes to arrive at that instant. But what I do know is that when I decide to act or react differently it's uncomfortable for me and the people who are use to me behaving in a certain way. They're shocked. I can read it on their face.

So it all breaks down to my remaining persistent and practice, practice and more practice - until I have removed my old behavior and I become comfortable with the new me. It only takes 21 days to change a habit. All I have to do is practice forming this new habit for 21 days and it'll be mine. Sweet!

Now - I must remain vigilant if I really want to become this new person by not excusing my old behavior when I do slip by backward - owning up to it and making amends immediately. This is the only way I know to change my habits.

Now about that rope. When I practice becoming the new man that I want to be it shortens my rope and my life becomes happier. Isn't that what we all want - to be happy!?

How long is your rope?

Namaste Speedo

I Believe

I Believe...

.... that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

.... that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

.... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

.... that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for love.

.... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life

.... that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

.... that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

.... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

.... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

.... that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

 .... that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

.... that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

.... that my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

.... that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down well be those who help you get back up.

.... that sometimes I may have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

.... that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

.... that it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

.... that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

.... that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become.

.... that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

.... that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

.... that your live can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't' even know you.

.... that drama is continually making a big deal out of everything and not doing anything about it. It's not about what happens to us, but how we react to it.

.... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

.... that there is a God . . . and I'm not it.

.... that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being

.... that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon

- - - - - Author Unknown

It just makes me feel good to read these beliefs. It brings out the good in all of us!

Namaste Speedo

Compromising My Ego

A hand went up from the audience as Father Richard Rohr, a Franciscan monk, was ending his talk on forgiveness - "What you're asking us to do is compromise the truth?" the man ask. "No, I am asking you to compromise your ego" he replied. 

Whoa! When I listen to this talk over again, his answer hit like a 2X4 in the back of the head. I have a hard head!

I had been so self-righteous in my dealing with the ones that I loved because I believed I was coming from my truth, that I had tossed away any forgiveness toward them. What a jerk!

When I am criticizing someone, it seems as I am always criticizing something in me that I need to address, but I'm not ready to address it yet. Do you know what I mean? Can you relate?

I thought that I had found the answer for me. . . . Set boundaries to live by and attach those boundaries to people I know and love. Now, I did not jump on friends when they didn't live up to my truth. I would spot trends through observation of how they lived their lives or dealt with me. If a trend was established that crossed my boundary or one of the rules that I wrote for myself, to protect my self, I would mention it to the individual. (Kind - wasn't I!?)

Who the heck am I to judge anyone on how they are living their lives? When did I rise to that prominence? Who appointed me the keeper of the world? What a Jerk!

Richard Rohr points out the we have to rise to the top of the mountain in our assurance that only we have the right answer before we can be emotionally chopped down so we can once again rise from the ashes as a common forgiving man. What a ride! 

I wouldn't change my fall for anything. Why? Because no one can understand how wrong they have been unless they have lost everything they loved and cherished. Only then, humbled by their actions, can they find a new way to approach their life.

What will happen to the loved ones that I have harmed and our relationship in the future? Well only time will reveal whether or not I will be forgiven by each one. I will make amends as I can, but the greatest amends is to live my new life with a compromised ego. Love is the only answer to all my ego based problems. 

The secret to my serenity is living by my own rules and principles. . . . and, allow others to discover and live by theirs. We all have a path that we need to follow. It's up to me to celebrate my loved ones path. That is the only way I can live in serenity and love.

Namaste Speedo

It's Your Movie

A friend's wife has 'It's My Movie' as her personalized license plate. I ask her about it a while back and she told me she looks at her life as a movie where she is the star, director, producer and writer. Everyone else is her supporting cast or crew.

So I ask you - Is your life your movie? Are you the star, director, producer and writer? If not - why not?

Let's break this down.

Are you the Star? Or are you a supporting player?

If you are not the Star - why aren't you? Each of us should be living out our dream as if it was a movie. I know that you can come up with numerous reasons why you cannot Star in your movie, but I am going to tell you that you are short changing yourself if you have others staring in your movie. We all have responsibilities to ourselves first - and to others: spouses, kids, family, employers, etc - second. I contend that these are your supporting cast players of your movie.

Are you the Director? Or does your life 'just happen' by the luck of the draw like a game of Texas Hold'em?

It's the Director who brings together the personnel necessary he needs to make the movie. Why can't we? He has a list of people he has worked with in the past and those he has always wanted to work with. He gets together with the Producer and makes his wish list for 'this' movie. Your Movie. To do have the supporting crew members scheduled for your move? It's your choice.

Are you the Producer? Or do you hope things will just fall into place?

A Producer works in conjunction with the Director to assure the best crew is brought together for the good of this project. This includes acquiring the financing necessary to pay for the project based upon a budget. He holds the different departments to their budget. He has to make some difficult decisions when the Director goes nuts on a action scene that isn't necessary to the success of the movie. He is the father/mother figure holding your movie together.

Are you the Writer? Or do you wing it and hope your first ideas will be the best and work out?

Writing is 20% creative inspiration and 80% hard rewriting work. That's why writers get paid big bucks - for the sweat-time they put in over a keyboard. Their job is to take the original story idea and incorporate ideas from the Director, Producer and Star. They have to work with plot points, character transformational arc and fatal flaws, mid-act crisis, theme, antithesis, synthesis, sub-plots, supporting characters, oh and let's not forget a high concept story (the story sells itself) that's the same but only different so audiences will pay $10 to watch the movie.

Who are the members of your cast and crew? Are they participating in your movie because they have always worked on your movie? Have you fallen into nepotism? Or are they the most talented, skilled people that you know. Everyone in your life should add to the quality of your movie. If they don't - you have to ask yourself 'why are they here?'. It's your movie.

So I ask you - Are you the Writer, Producer, Director and Star of your movie? You should be. We are all watching you as you preform your life for the rest of us to appreciate. It's your command performance and you should be awarded the Tony, Oscar and Emmey.

There's only one of you, so make this the best movie possible. We're all rooting for your success - and we want to be entertained. We will cry with you; laugh with you; applaud your successes; struggle with your challenges. You can do it. Leave us in awe. You cannot fail. After all - it's your movie. Do not settle for second best. You might not get a another chance. Make this the best you can do.

FADE IN

Chase Your Potential - Your Life Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Honey I'm Home!

I was visiting with my friend Bruce the other day and he reminded me how far he had come in the last decade.

Every day, for three years, Bruce would say "Honey, I'm Home!" when he returned home from work. Day in and day out Bruce would say this religiously hoping that someday his wife would answer "I'm in here Bruce!". It took three years - then one day it happened. He met, dated and moved in with Phyllis. Soon they got married and had a daughter, Karen.

All this began with Bruce talking to a friend about how lonely he was and how he wanted to be married and have a family. His friend suggested a couple of things. First; Bruce was to write down everything he wanted in a woman. Everything! Physical, emotional, interests, education, financial, spiritual - everything Bruce had dreamed about - be specific. Second; he was to write down what he was willing to do to keep his dream woman in his life. Third; everyday, Bruce was to shout "Honey, I'm Home!" when he returned home. It works!

Thought are things that the universe wants to bestow upon us - all we have to do is ask. It will provide. All we need to do is keep our eyes open - and find the courage to act when this "thing" is presented to us.

When I look around I see only abundance everywhere. There is not a lack of anything. It's just waiting for us to ask.

I have used this technique many times and it always works. It doesn't matter if you're asking for a mate, job, car, house - it will be provided for you. Be specific and committed to have this thing in your life.

Now - what are you going to do to keep this thing in your life? I have to ask very carefully because thoughts are things, remember to choose the good ones.

I recently went through a break up that I wrote about here. I used this exercise to attract my woman into my life. It took about 4 months before I recognized her. It was so wonderful - I was a little afraid of committing to this relationship because it was too good. I use to kid her that she chased me until I caught her. But I relented and I am so happy that I found to courage. The experience was wonderful. I couldn't have ask for more.

What happened? I forgot to continue to act on what I was willing to do to keep her in my life. I lost the man that she fell in love with - it's that simple. I will not make that mistake again when my perfect woman walks into my life. And yes, I am doing to exercise once again.

Thought are Things - Choose the Good Ones!

"Honey I'm Home!"

Namaste Speedo

The Real World

Do you live in the Real World? 

This is the question that I had to ask myself this week. Was I conscience of the world that I was existing in or was I living in an illusion of my own creation?

Well my answer lies somewhere in within both worlds. For years my real world was a dispassionate reality of acceptance - The Real World. This world is not colored with denial of victimization or excuses. For years - it worked for me  and really saved my butt compared to "wishing" things were different as was my world for years. Being issued that affected personally or just influenced my life. For me Acceptance does not mean Approval - it's just reality. Thus, the Real World.

Now what I went through over the past recent months shook me to my core. I had created a world without any emotional attachment. I had become dispassionate, unaffected, aloof. I had created a protected barrier coddling me from what - I don't know. It took an emotional collision to crash down upon me to tell me that I could not exist removed from the real world and my fellows.

Today I am taking steps to become inclusive to my fellows. I welcome emotional involvement. I thrive on face to face emotional encounter that I once use to veer away from. I am learning the this is the fuel of live. I want to become a compassionate, approachable, empathetic man.

This is huge growth for me. I looked upon life with a critically searching eye and discovery. That way I didn't have to pay the price of being emotionally involved and could love you for what you or your family was struggling to walk through  and I could remain a stoic well of pragmatism - ready to assist if called upon.

I missed the boat - heck, I miss the ocean. I had experienced such a devastating, destructive injury that to my way of thinking, this was a safe way to remain part of society. I was WRONG. 

The human condition is an emotional involvement with our fellows. I had to crawl into the belly of the whale, surrender and surface with a new revelation. And it feels great.

I am proof that you can live in the Real World and be emotionally fueled by the brotherhood . . . and change can happen in an instant.

Namaste Speedo

Taking Care of Myself

This is a taking care of Spaceship Speedo post. 

Over the weekend I discovered I was in a severe low grade depression. I was paralysed in my bed for the long weekend. I have never experienced a weekend like this that I can recall. It felt like the flue - with no fever. I could not move. With the events of the last 3 months - my breakup, Jose's death, Jeanette's passing - it just threw me into a wall at what seems like 100 MPH. I've survived, but I do not want to go there again ever. 

I searched out some friends who have some first hand experience with low grade depression. I was directed to a couple of books that might help me understand what is going on with me. Books first, professional help second - okay I'm a little stubborn.

Since I will be working on myself and a condition that has persisted since I was a kid - you know a couple of years ago . . . (still a sense of humor). . . I will be foregoing my usual posts. 

Instead I will try to document my progress to dispel my own depression. I feel that I am one of the lucky ones to have discovered what's going on with me - my ex told me that I have had a low grade depression all my life - I am always the last to know, accept and take action. I know that I need to reach out for help from friends so please feel free to comment on my posts with your experiences and insightful thoughts.

Wishing you all the best.

Namaste Speedo

Why Chase Your Potential?

With all that has occurred over the past 10 days - Jose's and Jeanette's passing - I though that now is the good time to try to explain Chase Your Potential.

I have always been a great believer in the spirit in each of us. Since I was a child I would believe the best in my friends, siblings, parents, teachers, politicians, leaders, the Seahawk's and Mariner's - I guess it was in the 70's for the teams.

I believe that we are born pure spirit and it is - or we allow it - taken away from us through education, life's experience, work, etc. As we get older and settle down, we get reconnected to our spirit through life's events. It was this belief in our spirit that brought me to coaching friends and clients.

About 10 years ago, I was watching an interview with professional golfer Davis Love III talking about how he improved his game and world standings - I think he'd just won the Players Championship or the PGA. He told a story, not unlike a lot of our stories, that people always told him what potential he had to succeed in golf since he was a kid. He had the talent and pedigree - his father was a famous teaching pro. When he wasn't succeeding like people or reporters deemed he should, they pointed out that "with all that potential - what could be going wrong?"

After living through this emotional and professional stress for years - I think this is how it went - one day Davis said screw it to himself "I'm going to chase my potential, not what others think of me", or something like that.

So that day I pasted up a hand written sign on a 5 x 7 index card with the words "Chase Your Potential" on my wall. I would look at the card day after day and ask myself what was my potential. One day I had an epiphany; my potential had nothing to do with my talent, or skills or training. My potential was nestled within my dream.

What I needed to do was to chase my dream. Now the only problem was I had so many dreams, witch one was I going to settle on. I decided I had a knack for working with people.

So Chase Your Potential was born with a mission statement to "help people find their dream or goal; verbalize the steps necessary to achieve the dream or goal; and, to become an advocate for their dream or goal". We all have wishes and desires, but who speaks for the goals or dreams? That is my job as a coach.

A couple things struck me having lived through the past week. I need to tell those in my life how much they mean to me and how lucky I am that they are in my life. And . . not knowing what is going to happen next - when God calls we drop everything, I must live my life to the fullest going after my dream and helping others live their's.

Chase Your Potential and achieve everything you want. It's simple but it's not easy. Working for what you dream is its own reward. You deserve to live your dream - after all - It's Your Dream.

Serenity Rules - Your Life Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

In Memory of Jeanette Stanford

A very kind lady passed away last week. She finally said that enough was enough and gave up the fight. What a trooper.

Jeanette moved to Indio, CA in the 50's from Alberta and began to raise a remarkable family of 5 kids - Tim, Terry, Toby, Tom and Tina. A rowdy bunch of kids that were constantly on the go with the dirt bikes, cars and everything in between. All went on to successful careers and families here in the Valley. Your mom was so proud of all of you.

Jeanette was a wonderful lady full on spit and vinegar and with a world sized heart and love for her family, their kids, grand children, and great grand children. She gathered quite a flock. I attended a party held for her grandson getting ready to return to Afghanistan last summer. As the matriarch of the Stanford clan, she held court with a pride in her eye for everyone.

I will remember Jeanette for her smile, her honesty, her wonderful outlook on life and her willingness to fight and speak her mind. She will be missed and remembered by many.

You touched so many lives God Bless you Jeanette Stanford.

Namaste Speedo