Your Personal Code to Live By

I was thinking about the world that we are living in today. It's a lot different than let's say the 1940's or 1950's in more ways that just the instant messaging, the internet, cell phones, etc.

Looking back to those days of yester-year, there was a code of conduct and ethics that I see missing today in so many influential areas of our lives. In TV and movies - the good-guys with white hats always won. We fought for God, Country and the American way of life. We said the pledge of allegiance in schools. Our news reports never buddied around with the people they were suppose to investigate. We had real heroes in our lives. Now maybe this is a little simplistic, but . . . . ?

When I look at our world and it's leaders, local and international news makers, TV and movie stars, grade schools and colleges - ah heck everything, I had to notice one thing that is glaring. We have no heroes to identify with. Really! Who are your heroes that you admire?

When I take my own inventory of heroes - I find it really lacking in substance. Why is that? Is it because I know too much about them? Is it because the way that I define a hero has changed over the years? I had a hard time putting a finger on it.

Growing up my father was my hero until I went to work for him and discovered that his feet were had of clay, just like mine. My movie star heroes turned into drunken wife beaters? My news reporters who I based my political opinions have become celebrity's in their with little objectivity and more public relation mouth-pieces. My industrial leaders have turned into greedy industrial unethical tyrants.

It's not that things and people have changed - it's through years of advertising and marketing campaigns that have molded me into a non- thinking idiot . . . I have discovered I need to re-develop my code of life lifeboat to survive our world today.

I have a code of principles today that I have tried to live by for the past 15 years. It has aided me to walk through the personal struggles, financial struggles and spiritual struggles that we all face.

When the world looks bleak with no relief in sight, I rely on my faith that all will work out and I take some positive action and trust the outcome.

So I ask you . . . what are the principles that guide your life? I hope your personal code to living life is more than just an advertising or marketing campaign. You deserve the best.

Here'a an exercise for you. Make a list of your heroes. Take a look at what they represent. Then make a list of the principles you live your life by today. You will thank me later.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

The Dr Phil Show

******* UPDATE Friday November 14th Ch 2 CBS 3pm

I just learned that if you want to watch or record Jane and her daughter ( I changed the names) they're on Dr Phil today. . . . Sorry I just learned this. Channel 2 CBS in the Valley at 3pm.

*******

Here is the latest up date on Jane and her entitled daughter and their visit to the Dr. Phil Show. Jane was brought onto the set after her daughter had a chance to tell her tale of abuse.

Dr. Phil opened up the dialog by echoing her daughter's frightful tale of being asked to pay rent after 6 years of rent free living in the house. Jane corrected him by telling the truth that rent was always expected - except her daughter always had an excuse for not paying it. This went on through a litany of ploys by her daughter which finally ended with her daughter saying that she did not want Jane in her life any longer.

To that Dr. Phil replied that she was adult and could choose who was in her life. And, to Jane, he said that she should back away and stay out of their lives. In short, Dr. Phil told her daughter to grow and take care of herself and her family. Dr Phil then said that he had 2 adult children, 25 and 30, who are financially independent.

Dr Phil said this is one of the saddest programs that he's done since it takes two people to have any type of relationship and only one to ruin the chances of having one.

Jane had hoped that Dr Phil would send them to Therapy, but with only Jane wanting the relationship he could do anything.

There was a lot of juicy things that went on but I choose not to bore you. The bottom line is once our kids become adults - they are adults. No matter how much we want them to remain our children. We have to let them grow through the bumps of life. Just like we had to do. Money never fixes anything - it just delays our kids financial maturity. It's a lesson. That's all it is. It's never punishment.

Bravo Jane - you are my hero. I feel sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted. But. you will put this behind you and get on with your life. Happy - Healthy - and in Love.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

When do we help our Adult Kids?

I got a call from an old friend today who wanted to wish me happy birthday and apologize for not sending me a card. I told her that was fine I didn't expect anything that her call was sweet. Then she went on to tell me about Peter, her son, and his Medical battle for the last 2 months.

26 and full of energy coupled with a great wit that was always followed by a lengthy explanation. He really is fun, just young. Peter called her in August telling her that he can hardly talk and he was scared. She drove into LA to pick him and take him to the emergency room back here in the Valley.

She was conflicted since she has been working a codependency program, but she picked him up. Her brothers told her to play tough love - that he could get himself to the doctors. Her son has had a history of drug abuse but he's been sober for 2 1/2 years.

At the emergency room they discovered a golf ball sized growth on his vocal chords. She made an appointment with a ENT specialist for the next day. They scheduled to remove it the following day and to check him out with a CRT of his neck, throat and chest just to be safe. A few days after the surgery, the doctors told him that they found a "spot" in his thyroid.

After biopsies they determined that it was early cancer and took out half he thyroid. Yesterday he went back into the operation theater to remove the rest of his thyroid.

They told her that more than likely, because it was determined to be a slow growing cancer, noting would have developed until his 50's when it could have been fatal. So told me that had she not drove him to the doctors - listening to her brothers - he could have died.

I reminded her that she is number one his mother. We check things out before we jump to conclusions. Had this been just another drug-addicts slip, she had the tools to ask the 3 questions: Do you have a problem with Drugs? Do you want to stop? Do you want to go to a meeting? An answer of "No" to any one of these questions she would have had to walk away.

But first you have to discover what is going on. He honestly had lost his voice. He did need the help of a specialist. Being a mother is not necessarily being codependent. We help our kids when they ask us for our help. We do not jump in and rescue them.

I told her that she has enough recovery not to ask her brother for advise. And to ask herself why she thinks she needs their permission. Trust what she has learned and work with other recovered women as her support system.

God bless them both - they are very dear to my heart.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

So you want to have Kids!

As I am writing this - Jane and her daughter are over in LA taping the Dr. Phil Show.

Jane was so emotional from the Friday interview that she decided to drive up to her other son's house to spend the weekend with his wife and the new twins. She'd had enough stress in her life and she really just wanted to get away and play with the babies. Great plan - right?

Well it was a great plan up until the time her son reminded her of the time he chose to go live with his dad after the divorce. He told her every fear, broken promise, abandonment issue that he felt he was entitled to dump on her . . . oh he's around 40 years old.

She listened until it really got abusive then she told him to stop. They got into a heated discussion that lasted for a couple of hours when Jane finally realized that she had had enough.

Jane told me that she has decided to cut off contact with all of her kids - there is a middle son also. She is tired of carrying around all of their hurt and verbal abuse that they believe they have a right to dump on her. "I just want to be left alone to live my life. I have spent the last 40 years trying to love and live their lives - attempting to make it easier for each of them. Enough!"

Bravo Jane. I don't' know what it takes for parents to realize that our job is the raise our kids until they become responsible adults. And if they do not become responsible adults - I believe that it is up to us to cut them free - leave the nest so to speak - so they can learn how to become responsible adults. The longer we wait - the more guilt we take on when we finally do close the door.

It's hard to cut them off and watch them struggle . . .but like Jane, I bet you tried it the other way and you're suffering the same abuse. You've tried giving them another chance to no avail.

I really feel for Jane - I've known her for 20 years and she is a kind, gentle, funny, loving, generous woman. She deserves better.

I told her not to worry about Dr Phil . . . it's entertain for him, his viewers and the audience. They want a show. I think he's a softer, gentler Jerry Springer.

One last thing . . the Producer asked Jane what she hoped would come from all this "I just want to have a loving relationship with my daughter" was her reply.

When the same Producer ask her daughter she replied - "I want Dr Phil to show her what an evil bitch she's been to me".

I guess that says it all.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Update - Jane and Her Adult Daughter

A few months ago I posted a blog about Change - Do It Now! . . here is the update. . . . .

As I sit here writing this Jane is being interview by the producer's for the famous Dr. Phil Show. Yep! He must be the only one who can sort this out. Lord help us!

Her daughter - is still feeling that she is entitled to live off the kindness and financial gifts from her mother. Finally, because of the financial climate, her mother suggested that she and her family move in with her so she could find a paying tenant (She did with a credit rating of 768!). Remember that she and her married family hadn't paid any rent in her mother's rental property for nearly 6 years - once more got abusive toward her calling her every name and shouted, "Why don't you call Dr. Phil? He will tell you how abusive and cruel you've been to me and your grand kids and . . . "

Jane told her to stop and decided to email Dr. Phil. She told him her side of the story, leaving nothing out from the gifts, cars, free rent , presents, babysitting, abusive name calling . . everything that transpired since her adult daughter and family moved into her rental house.

Her daughter, now 30, gets interviewed this afternoon. . . hmmmmm! To be a fly on that wall. I love to hear how the abused entitled adult children relate their story of pain to anyone who will listen. Great fodder for future stories.

I don't know when this segment will be aired but I will keep you informed.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

The Eleventh Hour

Why do most things resolve themselves in the Eleventh Hour?

I have done some self-examination and found that throughout my life, my prayers are seldom answered before the eleventh hour. Why does it work out this way? Or does it?

I have a observation that might ring a bell with you.

Could it be that no matter what the situation is - I accept whatever it is that I have been asking for at what seems the eleventh hour? In reality, it actually could be the 3rd or the 7th hour, but in my space and time - to me it just seems like the eleventh hour. Okay this may seem like a weird conclusion but hang with me.

Let's say that I am looking for more money to come in. I put it out there to the universe and wait for an answer. Immediately someone offers to buy me lunch and discuss what's going on with them. I choose to look at this as just "lunch" - but it really is money coming to me in the form of lunch that I do not have to buy. Then a few days later, someone wants to go to the mall and I get a certificate for whatever. Again the universe is trying to fulfill my desire - yet I choose to not see this certificate as money because I don't want to save $20 on something I don't want or need.

So I once again ask the universe to increase my income. This time the universe answers by my employer asking me to work a couple of extra hours overtime. Again my request is being answered by the universe.

What I am concluding is that the universe is continually attempting to fulfill my request for more "money". It never fails. What is failing is my ability to recognize these gifts are answers to my request.

The universe is always trying to fulfill my requests. It always has and always will.

Here is the secrete - I have to learn to ask better, more specific questions if I want more specific results.

I am in the process of building up my Coaching business. I have asked the universe to bring me 20 people to experience one of my coaching sessions over the next 30 days to see if coaching will work for them. My goal is to pick up 5 clients who commit to hiring me as their coach in the next 30 days.

In short - my eleventh hour experience may just be that it takes me that long to become specific about what I want the universe to provide. It has nothing to do with the eleventh hour and everything to do with the time it takes me to find the courage to formulate and ask for what I want.

What do you want in your life? Formulate a request and be specific. It always works. . . . !

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Ask Better Questions

Years ago I took Tony Robbins' course "Personal Power". I enjoyed the heck out of it. For about 6 months I took Tony's philosophy and tried my best to change my life. It worked - but I stopped working the program and fell back into some old more comfortable habits.

One of the main elements from that course that I use today is learning to ask better questions. Tony said if you want to lead a better life - learn to ask better questions.

Today it more important than ever to ask better questions of ourselves. Most of us have witnessed all of the gains that we experienced since 2002 be wiped out in a couple of weeks. Now we have a choice: We can sit and be pissed off at what might have been or we can ask what can I do to move forward to re-coop unfulfilled dreams.

This is a unique opportunity to build a base of business. To do that we have to understand how our potential market has been fragmented and present alternatives to sticking our collective heads in the sand - hoping that things will fix themselves. We have to ask ourselves and the ones we love better questions. We have to figure out what actions we can take to bring about benefits we can measure.

We are not alone sitting in our confusion. We have any number of people who are looking to take positive action. Find a way to harness this energy and ride the wave.

You'll see it when you believe it. Today we need to stop listening and start believing in ourselves.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Life's Shifts

What are you going to do about the Shifts in your life?

Shifts permeate our lives today more than ever before. - Financial, Political, Spiritual, Relationships, Business . . . We're not in Kansas any more!

What can we learn from the Shifts in our lives?

In a word - Focus!

Focus of what is important to You and Your Family.

We all have choices to make in times like these. What are you going to choose?

All of the great motivators have always understood that it is easier to become swept up in the current of gloom and doom. It's the media mentality. Good news never sells. Paste the headlines with the worst picture possible and you will sell news. It is a business after all.

I am not saying that the we are not witnessing interesting times - but it is up to you and me to make a conscious decision as to what we focus on.

I choose to look at these times as a great opportunity to add a few wonderful clients to my coaching business. I want people who see today as the day they choose to take stock in their lives and goals. I want people who are willing to reassess where they are and more importantly - where they want to be in the next year.

We all need to become more lean and mean in our personal and business lives. We need to take a hard look at our expenditures - our budgets and take some personal control today with an honest eye on tomorrow. You do have options to consider.

Isn't this what some of our parents and grandparents did decades ago? They survived. They put this country back together or actually they didn't wait - they put the country on their back and carried it.

Kennedy asked this simple question "Ask not what your country can do for you - Ask what you can do for your country".

If you are sittin, waiting for someone magically to fix your life - you will have to wait a long time. In case you haven't noticed - there is a very long line of people with their hands out.

Do I like what is going on? Heck no! But - I still choose to look at today as a cascade of wonderful opportunities and a promising life ahead for you and me.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Happy - Healthy - in Love!

Three things that we all want out of our life. . . . without exception! A bold statement but true.

Happy . . . we all want to be happy. For me that means that I am at peace with myself and those around me. I have discovered that there is only one way for me to remain happy with what is going on around me - I mean with the people in my life and my actions toward them and others. In a word - Forgiveness.

Healthy . . . After all the gold is gone - all we have left is our health. I work hard to maintain good health. I love to cook with fresh meats and vegetables. I make my own sauces from scratch. No it does not make me a good cook, although it do like my diet and cooking. It's just that I had an upbringing in a catering family. I was helping in the kitchen all my life. I worked with some great cooks around the oil patch. I was always learning how to put food together.

I exercise daily. I ride my bike over 100 miles a week. It sounds like a lot, but it's only 15 miles or so, maybe an hour a day.

And I find time for quiet meditation.

In Love . . . I found that I do not need to be in a relationship in order to be in love. I love life. I love all the wonderful and questionable people in my life - it's their path. When I live in love, I become vulnerable to life and all the gifts that it has in store for me - God's Grace. All I have to do is show up with the heart of an explorer welcoming the presents that he lays at my feet. I need to remain grateful.

It all breaks down to what God's will is for me. I discovered it 20 years ago. Here it is - simplistic but it works for me . . . .

Treat the rest of His kids with Kindness . .
Play Fair . .
Share my toys.

When I live by this philosophy I bathe myself with Happiness - Health - in Love!

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Hobson's Choice!

Have you ever been offered an all or nothing choice - not much of a choice when you look it. Your in a jam and there is no way out except to cop to whatever or die (emotionally anyway - maybe your life).

It originated from Thomas Hobson (1544-1631) from Cambridge England - he kept a livery stable and required every customer to take either the horse nearest the stable door or none at all. Not a customer service kind of guy - but a good businessman if you have no competition. He might have been the originator of the "supply and demand" theory in it simplest form.

Anyway - Hobson's Choice awakened some feeling in me that I want to address. How many times in my life had I had to make an all or nothing choice? Quite a few actually. (And - I am developing a screenplay where all the major characters have to walk through Hobson's Choice emotionally to save the day - especially the protagonist.)

As a kid growing up - it was presented to me many times. Usually done out of love from my parents. Follow the family rules as long as I lived under their roof. In some schools of thought this would be labeled abuse. Stifling the growth and development of a kid. My parents were old school.

In college I had a choice to show up for class, take the labs and tests or go to Viet Nam or work. I chose to show up until I was declared physically unfit for military service so I went to work.

I was fortunate to work in the oil patch around the world. While travel and living in other countries as an expatriate working on a visa I was able to follow their rules or go home. My mom gave me the best advise. She said "Speed, remember that you are a guest in their home (country), never let them know how good you have it at back home. Appreciate their generosity and kindness. And always say 'Thank you!'." This served me well over the years and continues today.

In relationships I had to love and honor the wonderful women that I had fortunate blessing to love and grow with. Here too - I, we, always have choices to be in the relationship or leave the relationship. It didn't matter who put up the mantle of in or out - we both new that relationship had outlived its usefulness for both of us.

Today I honor all my relationships - old lingering ones that I constantly count on and new exciting ones that I have yet to enter. Even these have ol' Hobson hovering around and I have choices to make - all or nothing. I have softened in my years. I believe that friendships twist and turn, grow and strain - and continue with acceptance of time honored love for my friends.

In dealing with kids - who are now adults - I have learned to treat them as friends. We too have our ups and downs, agreements and confusing growth periods - and, I am happy to say ol' Hobson never comes between my love for them. Love and forgiveness go hand and hand with our kids - no matter how old they are. 

As we enter our later years we become quite close to ol' Hobson. In one area especially - Health. Unfortunately, this is usually coupled by insurance attorneys, accountants and lobbyests back is the lovable hamlet of Washington.... Have you watched the news lately.

Ol' Hobson was just trying to get all of his horses out of his stable. 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Resilience

I am happy to say that I am back riding my bike once again . . with a golden helmet placed firmly on my noggin. Cycling servers two purposes for me - exercise and meditation. And no - I wasn't meditating when I hit the parked car. At least. . . . being that I can't remember, I don't think I was meditating.

My stitches are out and I am all healed . . thanks to a lot of Neosporin. Surprisingly, I don't not have much of a noticeable scar . . . . so I'm still another smiling pretty face.

I have been reading some articles about how we recover from the ups and downs of life. So I ask you . . . How resilient are you?

When I look back at my life I have noticed a pattern where my resiliency was slow. I don't know if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop or what. It seems that I would settle into the rut of victimization. That would lead to blaming someone or something for my actions or inactions. I'd mope around, criticize those around me, and primarily become an unpleasant person to be around.

I was suffering from my lack of resilience. Some say that we are either born with the positive trait of resilience or we don't possess it. I believe that we can develop anything that we put our minds to and some experts agree. They tell me that it does take dedication and practice though. We cannot just wish we had more resilience. We have to demonstrate resilience through taking actions that pull us out of our victimization.

The experts tell me that I need to go beyond my comfort zone and challenge myself. Risk builds resilience and it's good practice. When the initial risks demonstrate positive experiences - those experiences become a series of challenges that I can use to bridge my next hurdle.

If you don't have a positive events you can retrieve from your own past - pick up a biography about one of your heroes that you can emulate. A friend of my wrote a book called "Dream It - Do It!". It's full of amazing stories about successful people who chased their dreams against all odds. I highly recommend it.

Another thing that the experts advise is to teach ourselves patience. Rome wasn't built or destroyed in a day. The same thing goes for fixing problems that we have buried for years. Resilience requires being more strategic and less impulsive. We need to give ourselves time before reacting to inflammatory situations - as we might have done in the past. But patience is by no means an excuse to take no action.

Today I took some actions about fixing a problem that has been staring me in the face for years. The phone becomes real heavy when I have to walk to something that I have avoided, denied and basically ran away from for years. I don't know why I do this - but no more. I vow not to live that way any longer.

The last six months have been a struggle for me. I have had to walk through challenges that I did not want to walk through. I now realize that I have reached the end of my rope in these areas. I now have the courage to face them and put an end to my lack of resilience.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Is there anything that you have been avoiding and living the life of a victim? Challenge yourself to practice resilience everyday. You will be amazed how good it makes you feel.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Cycling - Bumps, Stitches & Bruises

I have ridden a bike around 4,000 to 6,000 miles a year for the last 15 years here in the Coachella Valley. A great place to ride if you do not want a lot of hills. As golfers say "it's all down hill to the Sultan Sea". 

Before I moved to Palm Desert, I rode a lot in Seattle growing up and going to college. When I could I rode in Scotland and other places that I have lived. I have never worn a helmet thinking that if I got hit by a car - I didn't want to be a vegetable - just run over me. 

I am an aggressive rider. My theory is if I ride fast enough and stay in front of the traffic - they will be able to see me, see that I know what I am doing and treat me like they would any other car. I have never even had a close call riding on the highways.

So, when I woke up in Desert Hospital, having no recollection of what had happened - I was a little surprised. All that the emergency room personal could tell me is that I must have hit a parked car. I was brought by ambulance - I checked and there was no police report. It was a hot day - 108 - but that isn't as hot as I have ridden in over the years. I had been averaging about 140 miles a week for a few months with not a hint of exhaustion. I constantly drink water throughout the day.

I cannot tell you what happened. I have amnesia for the period from about 1:30 pm to 5:30 pm. They tell me that I had been "out of my mind" asking the same questions while in the hospital. I left the hospital around 8:00 pm. I followed doctors orders and stayed awake on a friends couch until 3:00 am when I went home.

Should I have been wearing a helmet? I would have to say yes. I would have lessened my injuries to my head - concussion and all that. But I think that I would have broken my nose and knocked out my front teeth. 

It is now 5 days since the accident. I am still suffering the affects of the accident. I took between 12 and 15 stitches in the right forehead that are healing nicely. I have used a lot of "Neosporin". Friends tell me that I'm not just another pretty face any more and I respond with "I'm going for their sympathy look, instead of just my good looks and cute smile."

I am in the process of repairing the broken forks, handle bars and break handles - I should be back riding before the weekend - YES! - I will be wearing a helmet. I am building up my stamina by walking about an hour or longer each day. I like the outdoors rather than the gym. It's something about the fresh air and changing scenery. 

Maybe someday I will remember what happened - or maybe this is the universe's way of a wake up call - that I am not invincible and should take better care of myself. If I wasn't in such good shape, it would have been a lot different.

Keep on riding

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

No Risk - Know Reward

I know that this is not a new earth shacking statement - but still it's a play on words that struck me this morning as I overheard a couple talking to their young adult children. As I watched I witnessed both the young man and woman who I assume were on their way back to college somewhere - sit a little taller, more secure - knowing that they had a loving, supportive relationship with their parents and they could chase their dreams.

I took the liberty in the spelling - replacing it with the positive 'know'. It jumped off the page at me. I wish I had had a deeper religious schooling so I could have heard and understood this 'know' as a kid. I believe that it would have changed my life. I would have had the courage to chase my dreams and desires early in my adult life because instead of having a fear of success/failure mentality - I would have had my perspective changed to a positive experience.

I would have had a "knowing" that whatever I did or dreamed I could accomplish - I would experience the journey for what it was; Character revealing. Instead, I always looked at the destination. I cheated myself out of wonderful experiences - personal development and self-esteem.

Why am I so moved to write about this today?

I am still in the process of self-discovery - once again. I am walking through the journey revealing my codependent roots, bringing them out of the darkness of denial and exposing them to the sunlight of the spirit.

I have walked through a couple of 12 step programs over the last 20 years and I have learned much about myself. But this journey is exposing the very roots of my fears in - business, personal, romantic, creative - all my relationships; including my relationship with me and a higher power.

If you are like me and have had your dreams destroyed, shaken, delayed by other people in your life - including yourself - I offer you a way to capture those lost dreams by taking a hard look at CoDA. Give it 6 meetings to be fair to yourself.

Try different meetings until you hear the message of hope and love from its' members. It's all about having healthy, loving, successful relationships without relinquishing who you are and what your dreams are. Jump in and go after the whole enchilada - with the loving guidance of a sponsor - dive into working the program - the 12 steps. What a wonderful journey of revealing 'you' to yourself. You will be amazed at the wonderful person you will meet, love, cherish - you will become your own best friend.

You will understand why I wrote about "No Risk - Know Reward!"

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Personal Assassination

I have been writing screenplays for over 20 years - 8 in all. With each one that I start developing - I am always fighting an internal assassin chasing me away from my computer. It tells me that I do not know how to write. It shouts in my ear that this is another dumb idea. It demeans me. It's critical. It's . . . . . an assassin!

My assassin has not only been present at my writing . . . but everything that I try to accomplish in life.

Relationships. Businesses. Opportunities. Employment. Vacations. Dreams. Goals. Do you know what I mean?

Where in the heck did this assassin come from? Who's paying him to track me down and cause havoc in my life?

When I look in the mirror I see the villain starring back at me.

Growing up - my memories are all positive. My parents told me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. They never told my that I was crazy, stupid, lazy, an idiot or anything negative. I got encouragement. I did get chastised now and them about being an underachiever from teachers and others - but not my parents.

So I have to believe that I created my assassin myself. Why? How did I think I needed someone to stop me from going after my dreams. Fear. Fear of success is the greatest fear that I have to walk through everyday.

Now with my writing I have learned to look him in the eye and tell him "not today. Go away.", and I type "FADE IN" and continue typing until I come to "THE END". What I have learned throughout the years is creativity is 20% and rewriting, structuring, plotting, setting up/paying off, etc. is the work and sweat that most people never see - and it's the 80%.

And when I talk to people who have remained married for 20+ years, they tell my the same thing. Everyday they show up and realize how lucky (hard work) to have their spouse in their life. They work at it everyday with determination and love. They tell their marriage assassin "Not today!" and say "yes dear."

When I talk to people about their businesses they tell me the same thing. Starting a business is easy - you just do it. Chase your dream. Now sustaining the business and making it a success is the 80%. It's showing up everyday, looking the assassin right in the eye and telling him/her "not today!".

That's the only way I know how to win over the "Doubting Thomas'" and "Nay Sayer's" that think that they are doing me a favor by pointing out the difficult road that lays ahead of me.

Yet when I succeed - they are the first to tell me how lucky am, how talented I am, how they knew I could do it. Hmmmm!

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namste Speedo

What's Driving you Apart?

Is there something in your life that is driving you apart from what you love?

This is a serious question that we all need to ask ourselves. I need to look at this and it's my guess that you do too.

Throughout my life I have had people, friends, habits, addictions that has driven me  apart from what I love. In every instance I dreams have been destroyed by interference from my fears and others - this includes myself.

In 1980 I was dating a girl in Hawaii who was a Production Assistant TV pilot being filmed in the islands. She would talk about her day and I would sit there drooling as she talked. You see my dream was to work in movies and television. Oh by the way - the pilot was called Magnum PI. I was so insecure in my abilities to measure up as a writer or whatever, I turned down the opportunity to work on one of TVs most successful series. I kick myself when I think about it.

I was dating another beautiful, kind, wonderful woman a while back who walked away from me because I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I did get sober soon after that, but I lost out on a wonderful relationship. She was first person who pushed me to write. A remarkable woman.

I worked for my family business for 20 years. We catered to the oil industry all over the world. I always put the business first over any of my dreams. Why? I didn't have the personal security, self-esteem, confidence to go after my dream no matter what. I was afraid to take the risk. (Read the anonymous prose in my "Risking New Experiences" post)

What I am trying to demonstrate is that no matter what I did - I was always the one who interfered with my dreams due to my fears and lack of confidence, self-esteem and courage to take a risk. I concentrated of the possibility of failure rather than the rewards of success. I do not know where I learned this. My father had an 8th grade education - yet he had no fear of failure. I didn't get it from him. 

I had friends around me who succeeded in all sorts of businesses and careers. They always told me that I had so much talent - yet talent does little if you do not have the courage to take a risk toward success. 

I know that I am not alone. I have heard stories from people I work with who are now finding the courage to chase their dreams. Together we walk hand in hand - taking small steps, each bring them closer to their dream. They have become my heroes.

Today I choose to take risks. When the door of opportunity opens - I step through it. I have changed my nervousness into excitement. I can't wait to see what is going to happen when the next door opens.

What changed was I came to a realization that changed my life. People really don't care what I do. They are too wrapped up in what they are doing. I know that this sounds too simple, but it's true. 

True friends are your friends because of who your are - not what you do. How you treat them. How you make them feel when you are around them. Not by your level of success. I cherish each and every friend that I have today. I am so lucky to have them in my life. I celebrate each relationship.

What's stopping you from chasing your dream?

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Change - Do It Now

Three frogs sat on a log. One decided to jump off the log. How many frogs on sitting on the log?

I over heard a conversation today between 2 guys talking about quiting smoking. They both had been discussing quitting for months. The more that they talked - the more I wondered if they really wanted to quit. It seemed to me they were confused thinking talking about doing something is the same as actually doing it.

One guy said he'd quit for sure when he got he new truck - a 'non-smoking' truck is the way he put it. His friend ask when he was going to pick it up. He answered after the first of the year or in February or March.

The truck guy ask his friend when he was going to quit - he answered he's cutting back because his girlfriend wants them to quit together. "There's no sense quiting until she wants to", he told his friend.

Jane, a long time friend, has been talking to her 30 year old daughter for over 5 years about paying the rent on Jane's rental property. She just got in another fight over paying rent or finding another place to live. What happened?

Jane had been carrying her daughter's family for 5 years. She had ask for the rent in the past, but financial times were good then. She felt guilty asking for something that she didn't need - even though it was the right thing to do. We should be responsible for our own family - housing, food, security, health. But, as parents, we are not responsible for our adult children's families.

Anyway, they have never paid any rent like they agreed. They both drive newer cars, own a boat, a trailer, big screen TV and home theater - but they just can't seem to pay rent.

Jane told her daughter that because of today's economy - finances struggles - they need to pay rent beginning the end of the month or find another place to live. She offered to have her family move in with her until they could find a place of their own.

You cannot imagine the fury that erupted out of her daughter's mouth? She twisted everything around so that it was Jane's fault for everything. She even suggested that Jane get another job. (She never suggested to get a job herself.) The last I heard was that they were going to move into her husbands parents house. Great!

These are 2 examples of taking action. One was quitting smoking - the other was stopping enabling an 'adult child'.

The guys have excuses why they can't quit yet - but they have a point in the future they are shooting for. Then they will quit. Right.

Jane was going to continue enabling her daughter until her financial enabling caused her financial pain. I told Jane how lucky she was that she could look into the future and feel the pain approaching - and finding the courage to act now. Here in the desert we are approaching the 'season' which is great for rentals. Chances are Jane will be able to rent the house to a good family for a couple of years and correct her financial situation.

I am sure that Jane has talked about laying down the law and demanding rent over the last 6 years, but has relented over some lame excuse because her financial condition looked good. She probably actually felt guilty asking for rent because she didn't really need the money. Now she has to walk through the guilt because she's sticking up for 'her needs' over those of her daughter's. I told her how proud I was of her. The first time is rough. It takes practice to protect ourselves - especially from our kids.

Here is the desert - as I think in all areas which are considered retirement communities - parents are supporting their adult children and their families. They hope things will change soon. It never seems to change until the parents decide to stop supporting these lazy adults. It's not their responsibility. They have worked hard all their lives and deserve to retire in peace and spend their hard earned labors on themselves. Help out - sure, these are 'exceptions/emergencies'. But so many feel like that owe their kids - for what I can never figure out.

Here's the warning sign - when exceptions/emergencies become common place - something is wrong. Wake up folks. You are being taken for a ride by ungrateful adult children who refuse to grow up. So, as parents we need to assist them by cutting them off.

Those people who I work with hear two things from me over and over. 1) How do you cut off the tail of a monkey? Inch by inch or all at once! 2) It's none of your business/responsibility unless you participate agree to it - you are not the victim.

They complain to their closest friends about the problems that seem to follow their kids around. They portray them as victims of a difficult life. It's never their fault. If they could only get a break. Their friends are polite and nod in agreement - thinking either thank god these are not my kids or I'm not alone - if they only knew that trouble my kids are creating for us.

When you think about it - when do our children become self-supporting adults? Some do it immediately after leaving home or college. Other's will continue to extend their needy hand as long as we continue fill it with gold. They feel that they are entitled to it. They will even excuse their actions because they will inherit an estate when we die - why wait till then. They can use the money now - or why work for what we can get just for asking.

What happens if we do not enable? Well they will go through a rough period - but eventually they will stand up on their own 2 feet and begin to make a life for themselves. They may be surprised how fulfilling their own accomplishments feel. Pride in themselves. Self-esteem at what they can accomplish. Become responsible, adults living the life they built.

What happens to us? We become excited and proud parents. We love to get phone calls, hearing about our kids successes. We can't wait for the next call.

All this takes practice. It will feel uncomfortable until we realize we are building self-esteem in the ones we have been enabling for years. Wouldn't it be nice to pick up the phone and here about the accomplishments are kids made?

This is the quote from 'The Universe' at the Adventurers website listed to the right ----

"The greatest gift a parent can give a child is the ability to become independently happy. And the greatest gift a child can give a parent is exercising that ability".

I don't know how long it takes to quit smoking or stop enabling our adult kids - but I know that change happens in an instant - how long it take to reach that instant? It's different for each of us.

For me - I had to become a non-smoker . . . a non-enabler. It worked for me.

Some how it all fits . . . . do it now! Be happy.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

What do you Teach?

What kind of teacher are you? What do you teach those around you?

We usually think of teachers as conveyors of knowledge - reading, writing and arithmetic is the old, old slogan. Then we have trainers that are teachers of sales, exercise, yoga and a host of disciplines. As parents we teach our kids right from wrong, how to tie their shoes, wash clothes, cook, complete school work, throw a ball, sew - the list goes on and on.

What I'm talking about today is the most important teaching that we do on a daily basis. It doesn't take a college education or graduate degree. There is no school for this class. You can't enroll on the inter net.

We teach people how we want to be treated - for better or worst. We constantly teach them how to act around us, speak to us, or how to manipulate us. What do you do?

From the time I was a boy I was taught to treat people the way I wanted to be treated - teaching by example. But as I got older, my focus changed to letting people be who they are. Socially, it wasn't acceptable to define how I wanted anyone - strangers, friends, kids, parents, bosses, co-workers - to treat me.

Things have changed. I learned that it is my job to teach people how I want to be treated - some by example; others by setting boundaries. If I was to continue to act in a passive, accepting way; allowing them to act anyway they wanted around me - well, 75% of the time it was okay. But, that 25% was unacceptable. 

I had a choice - I could turn a blind eye to the way they were acting. At the time, this was what I choose to do. I could avoid these people - but this was not always an available choice. My last choice was to find the courage to tell them as kind as I could - to stop. That their actions were unacceptable. I did not want them to continue treating me the way they have become accustomed. Surprisingly, it worked. Most people were shocked; then they began heed my request. A lot of them never realized that I was upset or hurt by their actions.

It takes courage to stand up and ask someone to stop abusing, lying, cheating, manipulating - you name it. But it's my life and I have a right to ask those around me it to treat me with courtesy and respect my boundaries.

Are there people - lovers, friends, associates, kids, employers, coworkers who constantly cross your boundaries of acceptable behavior? How long have you allowed this to happen? 1, 5, 10 years? Have you had enough? How does it make you feel? Do you want to gain control over your life?

In the work place, you have to use tact and discretion with those in authority, but with time and courage you can teach these people how you want to be treated. And they will respond. If they don't - you have a choice to make.

A lot of times friends - current or past - will act around you out of habit. A habit that has become unacceptable because you have grown through your life experience and they want to relive the way your friendship was in the past. Most of them will adhere to your request.

Families of origin are another story. You have traditions with parents and relatives and they will pull every trick to hold you to their image of where you sit in the family hierarchy. Some will feel they are entitled to continue to act the way they have always acted. But with time - they too can learn to respect your boundaries.

Our spouses I believe are the hardest to convert. Because you have created a tradition over the years of being together of what you will and will not accept. It takes patience, love and conversation to let them know that you have grown and all you want them to do is to recognize and respect your new boundaries. You are not threatening as you talk to your spouse. Remember you are doing this out of love for yourself - and love for them.

Our kids who live at home. Kids will be kids. They push everything and everyone. They take their lead from the alpha parent. Together with your spouse you can tether them to treating you with respect for your boundaries. Oddly enough - kids appreciate structure when it's unveiled with kindness and love.

Our adult children can be the most abusive. We, as parents, want the best for them and will do anything to help them through their struggles. We forgive easily. We forget or make excuses easily too. It takes courage to allow them to live their lives without our interference. It's confusing to us really. Where do we draw the line when exceptions become the rule? When do we allow them to become accountable for their lack of responsibility? When do we allow them to walk through the consequences of the actions? 

Only you can answer these questions. But I will tell you that if you are a rescuer and continue to rescue them through their 20's, 30's, 40's - when will you stop your rescuing? For some people it will last until they become physically, emotionally and financially busted. They have spent everything you have worked all your life to achieve. And they do not care - they feel they are entitled. And you might feel obligated. But are you really?

So I ask you - what are you teaching those in your life today? Are you creating your life the way you want it - or are you accepting, hoping things will miraculously change?

The choice is yours and yours alone. Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Feeling Good about Ourselves

How do you feel about yourself?

I happen to like the man that I have become. I relish my warts and rough edges - they remind me that I still am a work in progress. Even those little extra pounds that I try to ride off on my bike. I think that I am aging nicely, have a warm smile and approachable character in my face. My heart is good and I honestly love everybody. I realize that we all are doing the very best we can everyday - even when I have my @$^&$#%# days. If I could do better I know that I would.

I am happy today! I try to treat the rest of God's kids with Kindness - play Fair - and Share my Toys!

Okay - enough about me.

What do you feel about yourself? Take a moment to really feel the woman or man you have become. . . .

Where did your feeling take you? Did you first look at your shortcomings? Did your old habits raise their head to tell you lies about yourself? Did you focus on your past wishing that you could change it? Did you focus on the wonders that make you you?

For most of us - this is an awkward exercise to do. It's uncomfortable mainly because we seldom take a personal inventory of ourselves.

Here's the exercise. Write down all the positive traits that you can that make you . . . well you! Make the list as long as you want - but to start out, at least write down 15 items about you. Physical, Mental, Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual - anything that you can think of. No matter how small. Do it now. Positive items only!

Okay - now I want you to sit and visualize the wonderful traits that make you you. Do you realize there is not another you on this planet, galaxy or universe? There has never been nor there will ever be another you? This is the truth - don't you feel that it's about time you start treating yourself better? Who else is going to celebrate you?

It's time for you to be selfish about you and start feeling good about you. Start right now.

When was the last time you did something totally selfish for you? Take care of you - after all, you are your best friend. Sometimes we have to practice and learn to treat ourselves better.

When I was told to do this, I minimized my good traits and immediately started to allow old negative images of myself to take over. I had to fight the impulse to focus on my shortcomings. It took practice and more practice. But I wrote down the 15 items - then I challenged myself to write down 25, then 35, then . . . . .

What happened was I became more like the man I wanted to be by focusing on my wonderful traits that make me me. And when my shortcoming raised their ugly head - I quickly attempted to substitute a positive trait. If I didn't like that trait, it exchanged it for something I wanted it to become.

It took practice, but it worked. I started to take care of me and feel good about the man I am today.

How's your list coming?

Namaste Speedo

Pain is My Motivator!

If you've been reading this blog for while, you may have realized my initial push was to let my friends walk through a Coach's life - and see how I handle 'life things'. Some gracefully and other . . well. . !

My first blog was the corner stone of our journey together. I was going through a brake-up with a wonderful woman and had been in a great deal of pain. Why? It was her idea! Oooops!

I didn't know at the time - I would crash deeper toward an emotional bottom that would initiate a change in my life. But it happened and emotional pain was the motivator. Today I celebrate pain - especially since it's in my past.

Today as I write this I am recovering from a physical pain - abscessed tooth pain. This too has motivated me to go to that dentist and find a solution.

In both cases - my pain drove me to take some action - and in both cases I found relief. The physical pain relief was in the form of a dental procedure to fix my tooth. I could have addressed this months before, but I choose to let it go until I could find time to go to the dentist. Pain initiated the call - sound familiar?

My emotional bottom was a more subtle and more devastating. It paralysed me for a couple of days in a mild depression - Emotional pain strikes deep. It was what it took for me to take an honest look at my life and the pain I was causing me. I believe emotional pain is always self-inflicted. Either I'm not doing something I should - or - I'm doing something I should stop.

When I live in self-righteous prominence over those I love and those close to me - they pull away to protect themselves from my intolerance - it causes me pain. When the pain gets sever enough I become motivated to action. The action I took was to get some mentoring from men I respect. I took advice, direction and have found relief. But it takes daily practice and persistance on my part.

It's not unlike getting direction from a dentist. He suggested this - and I took the action and sat in the chair.

I cannot fix any pain myself. When I attempted to in the past - I deluded myself into believing I had the right answer. I should always consider the source of my information. Do I respect them? Are they creditable? Have they experience? I have to answer yes to all of these questions. If not - it's my experience the pain will subside for a short while - but it will come back in due time. Always worse than before - with more devastation.

Most of my emotional pain is caused when I refuse to have an open mind and change my actions. If I don't change - grow - I will die a slow lonely life - emotionally or physically.

It's my choice. I choose to be happy, healthy and in love with life and the people surrounding me.

What's your motivator? How much pain can you take before you want to change and take right action?

Namaste Speedo

The Mayonnaise Jar of Life

When I come across cool things - I want to pass them on to you. Here's a great one!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the student if the jar was full. The agreed that it was.

Then he picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar - he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He again ask if the jar was full. They all nodded in agreement that it was.

Next, he produced a box of sand and proceeded to pour it into the jar. The sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full and the class responded with a 'yes'.

Next, he opened the 2 beers and pours them into the sand, pebbles and golf balls effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now, I want you to recognize this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

"The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first - there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take time for your spouse - go to dinner, make love, laugh, tell them how special they are and celebrate how lucky you are to have them as your partner in life.

"Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set you priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students ask what the beer represented. "The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem - there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend".

I think go I'll tell the people in my life how special I think they are. Then - I'll go play some golf.

Namaste Speedo

30 Seconds Then ...... %(*&&$#@&

I was listening to a speaker the other day and he mentioned a study on the human mind that caught his eye. He said that researchers have discovered that our minds cannot go three minutes without having a negative thought.

So I accepted the challenge. I found out that within 30 seconds I was complaining about how slow time was passing . . . . okay I said - so I started over. I set a timer on 3 minutes thinking that watching time pass was the reason that I failed . . . . I found myself mentally complaining about the tic, tic, tic of the timer.

Then I approached it the other way. I thought about everything that I had to complain about - a mental negative list. Really! Try it out. Make a mental list of all your complaints - anything and everything. Do it for three minutes. How did you feel? What was the make-up of your list?

For the most part, mine were all external items or situations that I had no control over. When I looked at the remainder of the list - I found that these were all fixable with time and effort on my part . . . future possible events.

Then I tried to the test again. I don't know if I made it further, but I do know I had stopped fighting my thoughts. It was peaceful.

What did I discover?

My complaints were all historical - my ought-tos and should-haves! They included incidents where I fell short of doing the right thing 0r items where I thought I was do wronged - self-pity.

My negative thoughts were based on fears projecting that I might not get what I wanted or I might loose what I had - my entitlements.

Whether complaints or negative thoughts - both keep me out of enjoying my meditation , or, my day - what is going on around me right now. Resentments from the past or perceived that haven't occurred - destructive thoughts. Pretty silly - right!

The only way out for me seems to be forgiveness. . . . . . . and to stop projecting into the future - expectations.

The present is the gift that keeps giving - if we remain conscious.

Go figure!

Namaste Speedo

What's Your Vision?

I got a secret for you - You create the world you believe exists before your eyes. Not exactly earth-shacking new information. Mystics and highly evolved people have been telling us this for millennium. Yet - most of us have leaky heads. I know I do. I need to be reminded of this fact over and over and over again. And why - have you watched the news or read any newspapers lately? Negativity sells! They think only bad, pessimistic reporting sells.

And this vision works for everything that I want in my life. But, how do I generally use it? Well, usually by asking for what I do not want in my life. You know - I hope she doesn't . . .  - I wish he'd stop . . . I don't want . . . .  I could go on but I know you get what I'm saying. 

What a waste. These guys do not garner negative thoughts or visions - they only take the positive statement or visions, and disregard the negative influence. Jeez, you'd think that I would have caught on long before I did. I know it takes discipline and practice to create real prosperity thinking on a daily basis - like going to the prosperity gym. Exercise is good - right!?

In the past - I would hoard money or savings for a rainy day - instead of believing that money would be replenish with what I needed. Really it always has - one way or another. I have never gone without. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe I just knew that what I needed would arrive.

Now I want to take this envisioning to a new level in my life. I want to be the steward of as much money as the universe wants to give me. I want my perfect woman to walk into my life so I can give her the love and life the universe wants us to share. I want the beautiful . . . . . . I could go on and on  . . . . . but what do you want in your life that you have been limiting with small visions? Why do we settle when we could have the whole enchilada . . .with red sauce!

You know it's yours for the asking and believing that it will materialize as a gift from the universe. It doesn't mean that we don't have to work for it - but the universe still wants to shower us with abundance. It will open doors of opportunity for us daily until we recognize them and take positive action. We can't loose!

What is your vision of 'your' world. Reality is not what's in front of us that everybody sees. It's what we believe is in front of us that we see with our head and heart. It's not denial about what is going on - it's focusing on what we want and not settling for less. It's creating our reality for our life - instead of living another's. It's our - yours and my - life! Let's go after it!

Today I believe - even with all the indicators that are shouting the contrary - that my income is growing month by month until it will be far beyond my wildest dreams. Why? Just because I believe and can see my wonderful life unfolding. It's full of prosperity and abundance.

And - there's enough for everyone - you too! What's your dream? It's waiting for you. Just ask for it and it's yours.

Namaste Speedo

***** NOTE:  Click on 'The Adventures Club' listed under 'Friends Website and Blogs' - They have a daily quote from the universe that will open up your thought processes to more and more gifts from the Universe! It's really cool!

Risking New Experiences

With the economy as it is across the country a lot of people are or will be experiencing change. People are changing careers or jobs, adding another job, wondering if they will loose their homes, fearful that their retirement savings will not sustain them - you name it. What we are talking about here are people dreading new experiences, a change in their plans or routines.

To most people - new experiences are frightful. It causes anxiety, nervousness, apprehension and in short we do not like it. It threatens our perceived entitlements that we have worked hard to achieve.

When you take a look at what is really going on is stretching of our comfort zone. We are leaving what we know and entering the unknown. We are entering areas we have to relinquish our perceived control. It causes us to become fearful.

We would rather do anything - even if it's mundane, routine, lackluster, boring, anything but take on a new experience.

We question ourselves. We become unworthy, unqualified, scared and unhappy. All because we have not experienced whatever before. Our first thoughts are not how exciting this experience will be - but, I will fail, I won't fit in, it won't be fun. We end up talking ourselves out of a wonderful experience. We hold on to these negative thoughts like our life depends on failure. We talk ourselves out of anything good that might come from any new experience.

Is this our nature? I don't know. I fall into this trap just like you. I need to nudge myself to try anything new no matter how safe it is. I have to push myself to take a risk most times. And, I might add, most of my new experiences become exciting and some life changing - mostly for the better. That's how silly I am.

Here's a piece that I found years ago that gave me a nudge and the courage to take risks. I hope you enjoy it - It might change you life!

RISKING -
.... to Laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
.... to Weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
.... to Reach out for another is to risk involvement.
.... to Expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
.... to Place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk rejection.
.... to Love is to risk not being loved in return.
.... to Live is to risk dying.
.... to Hope is to risk despair.
.... to Try is to risk failure.
.... but, Risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all.
.... the Person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
- - - - Anonymous

It sums up everything quit neatly. Risking is its own reward.

Namaste Speedo

The End of My Rope

For me - it takes a long time to get to the end of my rope. I don't know why, but I will hang on to something - behaviors or people - far longer than I should.

What I'm talking about are "habits".

When I looked my habits or Non-Productive Character Traits I discovered the majority of them have out lived their usefulness. But, for some reason I continue to hang on to them. It's as if - as a girlfriend once put it "without your character defects - you wouldn't have any character at all". Now, I know that she was kidding - but there is some truth in her observation.

For most of us, we will hang onto something - hairstyle, dress, sarcasm, opinion, relationships, job or whatever because we feel that we own it. We've always acted that way. It gives us a sense of identity. It's who we think we are. Habits!

Okay - here's the question I - and I suspect you too - might ask yourself: What would people think of me if I suddenly changed? What would I do? How would I react to familiar situations? I've had these habitual reactions for years - they're mine. They've served me well!?

When I come to the end of my rope - it usually arrives with pain caused by emotional loss.

Change happens in an instant - I just don't know how long it takes to arrive at that instant. But what I do know is that when I decide to act or react differently it's uncomfortable for me and the people who are use to me behaving in a certain way. They're shocked. I can read it on their face.

So it all breaks down to my remaining persistent and practice, practice and more practice - until I have removed my old behavior and I become comfortable with the new me. It only takes 21 days to change a habit. All I have to do is practice forming this new habit for 21 days and it'll be mine. Sweet!

Now - I must remain vigilant if I really want to become this new person by not excusing my old behavior when I do slip by backward - owning up to it and making amends immediately. This is the only way I know to change my habits.

Now about that rope. When I practice becoming the new man that I want to be it shortens my rope and my life becomes happier. Isn't that what we all want - to be happy!?

How long is your rope?

Namaste Speedo

I Believe

I Believe...

.... that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

.... that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

.... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

.... that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for love.

.... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life

.... that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

.... that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

.... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

.... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

.... that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

 .... that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

.... that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

.... that my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

.... that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down well be those who help you get back up.

.... that sometimes I may have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

.... that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

.... that it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

.... that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

.... that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become.

.... that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

.... that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

.... that your live can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't' even know you.

.... that drama is continually making a big deal out of everything and not doing anything about it. It's not about what happens to us, but how we react to it.

.... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

.... that there is a God . . . and I'm not it.

.... that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being

.... that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon

- - - - - Author Unknown

It just makes me feel good to read these beliefs. It brings out the good in all of us!

Namaste Speedo

Compromising My Ego

A hand went up from the audience as Father Richard Rohr, a Franciscan monk, was ending his talk on forgiveness - "What you're asking us to do is compromise the truth?" the man ask. "No, I am asking you to compromise your ego" he replied. 

Whoa! When I listen to this talk over again, his answer hit like a 2X4 in the back of the head. I have a hard head!

I had been so self-righteous in my dealing with the ones that I loved because I believed I was coming from my truth, that I had tossed away any forgiveness toward them. What a jerk!

When I am criticizing someone, it seems as I am always criticizing something in me that I need to address, but I'm not ready to address it yet. Do you know what I mean? Can you relate?

I thought that I had found the answer for me. . . . Set boundaries to live by and attach those boundaries to people I know and love. Now, I did not jump on friends when they didn't live up to my truth. I would spot trends through observation of how they lived their lives or dealt with me. If a trend was established that crossed my boundary or one of the rules that I wrote for myself, to protect my self, I would mention it to the individual. (Kind - wasn't I!?)

Who the heck am I to judge anyone on how they are living their lives? When did I rise to that prominence? Who appointed me the keeper of the world? What a Jerk!

Richard Rohr points out the we have to rise to the top of the mountain in our assurance that only we have the right answer before we can be emotionally chopped down so we can once again rise from the ashes as a common forgiving man. What a ride! 

I wouldn't change my fall for anything. Why? Because no one can understand how wrong they have been unless they have lost everything they loved and cherished. Only then, humbled by their actions, can they find a new way to approach their life.

What will happen to the loved ones that I have harmed and our relationship in the future? Well only time will reveal whether or not I will be forgiven by each one. I will make amends as I can, but the greatest amends is to live my new life with a compromised ego. Love is the only answer to all my ego based problems. 

The secret to my serenity is living by my own rules and principles. . . . and, allow others to discover and live by theirs. We all have a path that we need to follow. It's up to me to celebrate my loved ones path. That is the only way I can live in serenity and love.

Namaste Speedo

It's Your Movie

A friend's wife has 'It's My Movie' as her personalized license plate. I ask her about it a while back and she told me she looks at her life as a movie where she is the star, director, producer and writer. Everyone else is her supporting cast or crew.

So I ask you - Is your life your movie? Are you the star, director, producer and writer? If not - why not?

Let's break this down.

Are you the Star? Or are you a supporting player?

If you are not the Star - why aren't you? Each of us should be living out our dream as if it was a movie. I know that you can come up with numerous reasons why you cannot Star in your movie, but I am going to tell you that you are short changing yourself if you have others staring in your movie. We all have responsibilities to ourselves first - and to others: spouses, kids, family, employers, etc - second. I contend that these are your supporting cast players of your movie.

Are you the Director? Or does your life 'just happen' by the luck of the draw like a game of Texas Hold'em?

It's the Director who brings together the personnel necessary he needs to make the movie. Why can't we? He has a list of people he has worked with in the past and those he has always wanted to work with. He gets together with the Producer and makes his wish list for 'this' movie. Your Movie. To do have the supporting crew members scheduled for your move? It's your choice.

Are you the Producer? Or do you hope things will just fall into place?

A Producer works in conjunction with the Director to assure the best crew is brought together for the good of this project. This includes acquiring the financing necessary to pay for the project based upon a budget. He holds the different departments to their budget. He has to make some difficult decisions when the Director goes nuts on a action scene that isn't necessary to the success of the movie. He is the father/mother figure holding your movie together.

Are you the Writer? Or do you wing it and hope your first ideas will be the best and work out?

Writing is 20% creative inspiration and 80% hard rewriting work. That's why writers get paid big bucks - for the sweat-time they put in over a keyboard. Their job is to take the original story idea and incorporate ideas from the Director, Producer and Star. They have to work with plot points, character transformational arc and fatal flaws, mid-act crisis, theme, antithesis, synthesis, sub-plots, supporting characters, oh and let's not forget a high concept story (the story sells itself) that's the same but only different so audiences will pay $10 to watch the movie.

Who are the members of your cast and crew? Are they participating in your movie because they have always worked on your movie? Have you fallen into nepotism? Or are they the most talented, skilled people that you know. Everyone in your life should add to the quality of your movie. If they don't - you have to ask yourself 'why are they here?'. It's your movie.

So I ask you - Are you the Writer, Producer, Director and Star of your movie? You should be. We are all watching you as you preform your life for the rest of us to appreciate. It's your command performance and you should be awarded the Tony, Oscar and Emmey.

There's only one of you, so make this the best movie possible. We're all rooting for your success - and we want to be entertained. We will cry with you; laugh with you; applaud your successes; struggle with your challenges. You can do it. Leave us in awe. You cannot fail. After all - it's your movie. Do not settle for second best. You might not get a another chance. Make this the best you can do.

FADE IN

Chase Your Potential - Your Life Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Honey I'm Home!

I was visiting with my friend Bruce the other day and he reminded me how far he had come in the last decade.

Every day, for three years, Bruce would say "Honey, I'm Home!" when he returned home from work. Day in and day out Bruce would say this religiously hoping that someday his wife would answer "I'm in here Bruce!". It took three years - then one day it happened. He met, dated and moved in with Phyllis. Soon they got married and had a daughter, Karen.

All this began with Bruce talking to a friend about how lonely he was and how he wanted to be married and have a family. His friend suggested a couple of things. First; Bruce was to write down everything he wanted in a woman. Everything! Physical, emotional, interests, education, financial, spiritual - everything Bruce had dreamed about - be specific. Second; he was to write down what he was willing to do to keep his dream woman in his life. Third; everyday, Bruce was to shout "Honey, I'm Home!" when he returned home. It works!

Thought are things that the universe wants to bestow upon us - all we have to do is ask. It will provide. All we need to do is keep our eyes open - and find the courage to act when this "thing" is presented to us.

When I look around I see only abundance everywhere. There is not a lack of anything. It's just waiting for us to ask.

I have used this technique many times and it always works. It doesn't matter if you're asking for a mate, job, car, house - it will be provided for you. Be specific and committed to have this thing in your life.

Now - what are you going to do to keep this thing in your life? I have to ask very carefully because thoughts are things, remember to choose the good ones.

I recently went through a break up that I wrote about here. I used this exercise to attract my woman into my life. It took about 4 months before I recognized her. It was so wonderful - I was a little afraid of committing to this relationship because it was too good. I use to kid her that she chased me until I caught her. But I relented and I am so happy that I found to courage. The experience was wonderful. I couldn't have ask for more.

What happened? I forgot to continue to act on what I was willing to do to keep her in my life. I lost the man that she fell in love with - it's that simple. I will not make that mistake again when my perfect woman walks into my life. And yes, I am doing to exercise once again.

Thought are Things - Choose the Good Ones!

"Honey I'm Home!"

Namaste Speedo

The Real World

Do you live in the Real World? 

This is the question that I had to ask myself this week. Was I conscience of the world that I was existing in or was I living in an illusion of my own creation?

Well my answer lies somewhere in within both worlds. For years my real world was a dispassionate reality of acceptance - The Real World. This world is not colored with denial of victimization or excuses. For years - it worked for me  and really saved my butt compared to "wishing" things were different as was my world for years. Being issued that affected personally or just influenced my life. For me Acceptance does not mean Approval - it's just reality. Thus, the Real World.

Now what I went through over the past recent months shook me to my core. I had created a world without any emotional attachment. I had become dispassionate, unaffected, aloof. I had created a protected barrier coddling me from what - I don't know. It took an emotional collision to crash down upon me to tell me that I could not exist removed from the real world and my fellows.

Today I am taking steps to become inclusive to my fellows. I welcome emotional involvement. I thrive on face to face emotional encounter that I once use to veer away from. I am learning the this is the fuel of live. I want to become a compassionate, approachable, empathetic man.

This is huge growth for me. I looked upon life with a critically searching eye and discovery. That way I didn't have to pay the price of being emotionally involved and could love you for what you or your family was struggling to walk through  and I could remain a stoic well of pragmatism - ready to assist if called upon.

I missed the boat - heck, I miss the ocean. I had experienced such a devastating, destructive injury that to my way of thinking, this was a safe way to remain part of society. I was WRONG. 

The human condition is an emotional involvement with our fellows. I had to crawl into the belly of the whale, surrender and surface with a new revelation. And it feels great.

I am proof that you can live in the Real World and be emotionally fueled by the brotherhood . . . and change can happen in an instant.

Namaste Speedo

Taking Care of Myself

This is a taking care of Spaceship Speedo post. 

Over the weekend I discovered I was in a severe low grade depression. I was paralysed in my bed for the long weekend. I have never experienced a weekend like this that I can recall. It felt like the flue - with no fever. I could not move. With the events of the last 3 months - my breakup, Jose's death, Jeanette's passing - it just threw me into a wall at what seems like 100 MPH. I've survived, but I do not want to go there again ever. 

I searched out some friends who have some first hand experience with low grade depression. I was directed to a couple of books that might help me understand what is going on with me. Books first, professional help second - okay I'm a little stubborn.

Since I will be working on myself and a condition that has persisted since I was a kid - you know a couple of years ago . . . (still a sense of humor). . . I will be foregoing my usual posts. 

Instead I will try to document my progress to dispel my own depression. I feel that I am one of the lucky ones to have discovered what's going on with me - my ex told me that I have had a low grade depression all my life - I am always the last to know, accept and take action. I know that I need to reach out for help from friends so please feel free to comment on my posts with your experiences and insightful thoughts.

Wishing you all the best.

Namaste Speedo

Why Chase Your Potential?

With all that has occurred over the past 10 days - Jose's and Jeanette's passing - I though that now is the good time to try to explain Chase Your Potential.

I have always been a great believer in the spirit in each of us. Since I was a child I would believe the best in my friends, siblings, parents, teachers, politicians, leaders, the Seahawk's and Mariner's - I guess it was in the 70's for the teams.

I believe that we are born pure spirit and it is - or we allow it - taken away from us through education, life's experience, work, etc. As we get older and settle down, we get reconnected to our spirit through life's events. It was this belief in our spirit that brought me to coaching friends and clients.

About 10 years ago, I was watching an interview with professional golfer Davis Love III talking about how he improved his game and world standings - I think he'd just won the Players Championship or the PGA. He told a story, not unlike a lot of our stories, that people always told him what potential he had to succeed in golf since he was a kid. He had the talent and pedigree - his father was a famous teaching pro. When he wasn't succeeding like people or reporters deemed he should, they pointed out that "with all that potential - what could be going wrong?"

After living through this emotional and professional stress for years - I think this is how it went - one day Davis said screw it to himself "I'm going to chase my potential, not what others think of me", or something like that.

So that day I pasted up a hand written sign on a 5 x 7 index card with the words "Chase Your Potential" on my wall. I would look at the card day after day and ask myself what was my potential. One day I had an epiphany; my potential had nothing to do with my talent, or skills or training. My potential was nestled within my dream.

What I needed to do was to chase my dream. Now the only problem was I had so many dreams, witch one was I going to settle on. I decided I had a knack for working with people.

So Chase Your Potential was born with a mission statement to "help people find their dream or goal; verbalize the steps necessary to achieve the dream or goal; and, to become an advocate for their dream or goal". We all have wishes and desires, but who speaks for the goals or dreams? That is my job as a coach.

A couple things struck me having lived through the past week. I need to tell those in my life how much they mean to me and how lucky I am that they are in my life. And . . not knowing what is going to happen next - when God calls we drop everything, I must live my life to the fullest going after my dream and helping others live their's.

Chase Your Potential and achieve everything you want. It's simple but it's not easy. Working for what you dream is its own reward. You deserve to live your dream - after all - It's Your Dream.

Serenity Rules - Your Life Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo