Hobson's Choice!

Have you ever been offered an all or nothing choice - not much of a choice when you look it. Your in a jam and there is no way out except to cop to whatever or die (emotionally anyway - maybe your life).

It originated from Thomas Hobson (1544-1631) from Cambridge England - he kept a livery stable and required every customer to take either the horse nearest the stable door or none at all. Not a customer service kind of guy - but a good businessman if you have no competition. He might have been the originator of the "supply and demand" theory in it simplest form.

Anyway - Hobson's Choice awakened some feeling in me that I want to address. How many times in my life had I had to make an all or nothing choice? Quite a few actually. (And - I am developing a screenplay where all the major characters have to walk through Hobson's Choice emotionally to save the day - especially the protagonist.)

As a kid growing up - it was presented to me many times. Usually done out of love from my parents. Follow the family rules as long as I lived under their roof. In some schools of thought this would be labeled abuse. Stifling the growth and development of a kid. My parents were old school.

In college I had a choice to show up for class, take the labs and tests or go to Viet Nam or work. I chose to show up until I was declared physically unfit for military service so I went to work.

I was fortunate to work in the oil patch around the world. While travel and living in other countries as an expatriate working on a visa I was able to follow their rules or go home. My mom gave me the best advise. She said "Speed, remember that you are a guest in their home (country), never let them know how good you have it at back home. Appreciate their generosity and kindness. And always say 'Thank you!'." This served me well over the years and continues today.

In relationships I had to love and honor the wonderful women that I had fortunate blessing to love and grow with. Here too - I, we, always have choices to be in the relationship or leave the relationship. It didn't matter who put up the mantle of in or out - we both new that relationship had outlived its usefulness for both of us.

Today I honor all my relationships - old lingering ones that I constantly count on and new exciting ones that I have yet to enter. Even these have ol' Hobson hovering around and I have choices to make - all or nothing. I have softened in my years. I believe that friendships twist and turn, grow and strain - and continue with acceptance of time honored love for my friends.

In dealing with kids - who are now adults - I have learned to treat them as friends. We too have our ups and downs, agreements and confusing growth periods - and, I am happy to say ol' Hobson never comes between my love for them. Love and forgiveness go hand and hand with our kids - no matter how old they are. 

As we enter our later years we become quite close to ol' Hobson. In one area especially - Health. Unfortunately, this is usually coupled by insurance attorneys, accountants and lobbyests back is the lovable hamlet of Washington.... Have you watched the news lately.

Ol' Hobson was just trying to get all of his horses out of his stable. 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Resilience

I am happy to say that I am back riding my bike once again . . with a golden helmet placed firmly on my noggin. Cycling servers two purposes for me - exercise and meditation. And no - I wasn't meditating when I hit the parked car. At least. . . . being that I can't remember, I don't think I was meditating.

My stitches are out and I am all healed . . thanks to a lot of Neosporin. Surprisingly, I don't not have much of a noticeable scar . . . . so I'm still another smiling pretty face.

I have been reading some articles about how we recover from the ups and downs of life. So I ask you . . . How resilient are you?

When I look back at my life I have noticed a pattern where my resiliency was slow. I don't know if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop or what. It seems that I would settle into the rut of victimization. That would lead to blaming someone or something for my actions or inactions. I'd mope around, criticize those around me, and primarily become an unpleasant person to be around.

I was suffering from my lack of resilience. Some say that we are either born with the positive trait of resilience or we don't possess it. I believe that we can develop anything that we put our minds to and some experts agree. They tell me that it does take dedication and practice though. We cannot just wish we had more resilience. We have to demonstrate resilience through taking actions that pull us out of our victimization.

The experts tell me that I need to go beyond my comfort zone and challenge myself. Risk builds resilience and it's good practice. When the initial risks demonstrate positive experiences - those experiences become a series of challenges that I can use to bridge my next hurdle.

If you don't have a positive events you can retrieve from your own past - pick up a biography about one of your heroes that you can emulate. A friend of my wrote a book called "Dream It - Do It!". It's full of amazing stories about successful people who chased their dreams against all odds. I highly recommend it.

Another thing that the experts advise is to teach ourselves patience. Rome wasn't built or destroyed in a day. The same thing goes for fixing problems that we have buried for years. Resilience requires being more strategic and less impulsive. We need to give ourselves time before reacting to inflammatory situations - as we might have done in the past. But patience is by no means an excuse to take no action.

Today I took some actions about fixing a problem that has been staring me in the face for years. The phone becomes real heavy when I have to walk to something that I have avoided, denied and basically ran away from for years. I don't know why I do this - but no more. I vow not to live that way any longer.

The last six months have been a struggle for me. I have had to walk through challenges that I did not want to walk through. I now realize that I have reached the end of my rope in these areas. I now have the courage to face them and put an end to my lack of resilience.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Is there anything that you have been avoiding and living the life of a victim? Challenge yourself to practice resilience everyday. You will be amazed how good it makes you feel.

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namaste Speedo

Cycling - Bumps, Stitches & Bruises

I have ridden a bike around 4,000 to 6,000 miles a year for the last 15 years here in the Coachella Valley. A great place to ride if you do not want a lot of hills. As golfers say "it's all down hill to the Sultan Sea". 

Before I moved to Palm Desert, I rode a lot in Seattle growing up and going to college. When I could I rode in Scotland and other places that I have lived. I have never worn a helmet thinking that if I got hit by a car - I didn't want to be a vegetable - just run over me. 

I am an aggressive rider. My theory is if I ride fast enough and stay in front of the traffic - they will be able to see me, see that I know what I am doing and treat me like they would any other car. I have never even had a close call riding on the highways.

So, when I woke up in Desert Hospital, having no recollection of what had happened - I was a little surprised. All that the emergency room personal could tell me is that I must have hit a parked car. I was brought by ambulance - I checked and there was no police report. It was a hot day - 108 - but that isn't as hot as I have ridden in over the years. I had been averaging about 140 miles a week for a few months with not a hint of exhaustion. I constantly drink water throughout the day.

I cannot tell you what happened. I have amnesia for the period from about 1:30 pm to 5:30 pm. They tell me that I had been "out of my mind" asking the same questions while in the hospital. I left the hospital around 8:00 pm. I followed doctors orders and stayed awake on a friends couch until 3:00 am when I went home.

Should I have been wearing a helmet? I would have to say yes. I would have lessened my injuries to my head - concussion and all that. But I think that I would have broken my nose and knocked out my front teeth. 

It is now 5 days since the accident. I am still suffering the affects of the accident. I took between 12 and 15 stitches in the right forehead that are healing nicely. I have used a lot of "Neosporin". Friends tell me that I'm not just another pretty face any more and I respond with "I'm going for their sympathy look, instead of just my good looks and cute smile."

I am in the process of repairing the broken forks, handle bars and break handles - I should be back riding before the weekend - YES! - I will be wearing a helmet. I am building up my stamina by walking about an hour or longer each day. I like the outdoors rather than the gym. It's something about the fresh air and changing scenery. 

Maybe someday I will remember what happened - or maybe this is the universe's way of a wake up call - that I am not invincible and should take better care of myself. If I wasn't in such good shape, it would have been a lot different.

Keep on riding

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

No Risk - Know Reward

I know that this is not a new earth shacking statement - but still it's a play on words that struck me this morning as I overheard a couple talking to their young adult children. As I watched I witnessed both the young man and woman who I assume were on their way back to college somewhere - sit a little taller, more secure - knowing that they had a loving, supportive relationship with their parents and they could chase their dreams.

I took the liberty in the spelling - replacing it with the positive 'know'. It jumped off the page at me. I wish I had had a deeper religious schooling so I could have heard and understood this 'know' as a kid. I believe that it would have changed my life. I would have had the courage to chase my dreams and desires early in my adult life because instead of having a fear of success/failure mentality - I would have had my perspective changed to a positive experience.

I would have had a "knowing" that whatever I did or dreamed I could accomplish - I would experience the journey for what it was; Character revealing. Instead, I always looked at the destination. I cheated myself out of wonderful experiences - personal development and self-esteem.

Why am I so moved to write about this today?

I am still in the process of self-discovery - once again. I am walking through the journey revealing my codependent roots, bringing them out of the darkness of denial and exposing them to the sunlight of the spirit.

I have walked through a couple of 12 step programs over the last 20 years and I have learned much about myself. But this journey is exposing the very roots of my fears in - business, personal, romantic, creative - all my relationships; including my relationship with me and a higher power.

If you are like me and have had your dreams destroyed, shaken, delayed by other people in your life - including yourself - I offer you a way to capture those lost dreams by taking a hard look at CoDA. Give it 6 meetings to be fair to yourself.

Try different meetings until you hear the message of hope and love from its' members. It's all about having healthy, loving, successful relationships without relinquishing who you are and what your dreams are. Jump in and go after the whole enchilada - with the loving guidance of a sponsor - dive into working the program - the 12 steps. What a wonderful journey of revealing 'you' to yourself. You will be amazed at the wonderful person you will meet, love, cherish - you will become your own best friend.

You will understand why I wrote about "No Risk - Know Reward!"

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Personal Assassination

I have been writing screenplays for over 20 years - 8 in all. With each one that I start developing - I am always fighting an internal assassin chasing me away from my computer. It tells me that I do not know how to write. It shouts in my ear that this is another dumb idea. It demeans me. It's critical. It's . . . . . an assassin!

My assassin has not only been present at my writing . . . but everything that I try to accomplish in life.

Relationships. Businesses. Opportunities. Employment. Vacations. Dreams. Goals. Do you know what I mean?

Where in the heck did this assassin come from? Who's paying him to track me down and cause havoc in my life?

When I look in the mirror I see the villain starring back at me.

Growing up - my memories are all positive. My parents told me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. They never told my that I was crazy, stupid, lazy, an idiot or anything negative. I got encouragement. I did get chastised now and them about being an underachiever from teachers and others - but not my parents.

So I have to believe that I created my assassin myself. Why? How did I think I needed someone to stop me from going after my dreams. Fear. Fear of success is the greatest fear that I have to walk through everyday.

Now with my writing I have learned to look him in the eye and tell him "not today. Go away.", and I type "FADE IN" and continue typing until I come to "THE END". What I have learned throughout the years is creativity is 20% and rewriting, structuring, plotting, setting up/paying off, etc. is the work and sweat that most people never see - and it's the 80%.

And when I talk to people who have remained married for 20+ years, they tell my the same thing. Everyday they show up and realize how lucky (hard work) to have their spouse in their life. They work at it everyday with determination and love. They tell their marriage assassin "Not today!" and say "yes dear."

When I talk to people about their businesses they tell me the same thing. Starting a business is easy - you just do it. Chase your dream. Now sustaining the business and making it a success is the 80%. It's showing up everyday, looking the assassin right in the eye and telling him/her "not today!".

That's the only way I know how to win over the "Doubting Thomas'" and "Nay Sayer's" that think that they are doing me a favor by pointing out the difficult road that lays ahead of me.

Yet when I succeed - they are the first to tell me how lucky am, how talented I am, how they knew I could do it. Hmmmm!

Your Life - Your Rules!
Namste Speedo