The Memory of Jose

This is a sad post for me today. My friend of 5 years Jose is taking his last breath with the assistance of a machine this afternoon. He was hit by a drunken driver late Saturday night.

Jose was a kind, loving kid in his mid twenties. He was working hard toward his career as an electrician and becoming quite respected and successful. He was well thought of by his family, friends and coworkers. I will miss his off the cuff humor and constant smile.

We held a roadside service made up of family, friends and coworkers - about 30 of us showed up to honor Jose's life. It was great, although a little freaky because of the car pieces and EMT gloves tossed around by the wind. We made a cross - attached his picture, and laid flowers and small remembrances around. We kind of waundered around with our thoughts for a while - exchanging stories and remembering Jose in our own way.

Then it came time to begin prayers. His wife told us all how much Jose loved and relished having each of us in his life. A Pastor was driving by and stopped and said a few kind words. As all of this was going on - the wind started whipping up an swirling around while they were speaking - then as quickly as it arrived - it left replaced by a calm that we all felt. I choose to believe that the wind was the spirit of Jose touching all of us one last time before he made his transition. God Bless Jose.

The reason that this is such a timely post for me is that I had been talking with Jose for a couple of years about putting his life, needs and desires first - instead of always taking a back seat to those in his family. Now don't get my wrong here - family should come first, but when you start getting abused and no matter what you do you continel to get nothing but chastised by those you love because they want more and more and more and you have nothing more to give - it's time to call a halt; realize you are enabling and there is nothing you can do to please them. They are insatiable parasites. They will never be satisfied. Jose kept telling me that it's getting better - but it never did. They still wanted more.

This was brought to the surface on our drive home when I learned about the dysfunction and greed that took place while Jose was in the ICU. His side of the family were all ready fighting for what Jose had left behind and complaining "what are we going to do now?". I know that this is morbid, but I wanted to point out the sick mindset of the "takers" in our lives and the extent that their self-seeking, selfish desires will consume them.

Why do we even consider helping these "loved ones"? To them it is all about their hedonist consumption of our hard labors. It doesn't matter to them what we had to sacrifice to bail them out of the messes they create. It's sad, but this is reality. In the end - what we do matters only if we continue to rescue them. They believe they have entitlement to whatever . . . !

I ask you this question - Who in your life are you enabling to abuse your kindness? Now I mean the people who always have emergencies crop up and expect you to bail them out. When exceptions become the status qua - you have to realize the you are enabling these people to not take responsibility for their actions or in-actions. They believe that you will bail them out the same way that you always have. The most loving thing you can do now is draw a line in the sand and STOP promoting their irresponsibly.

Do you have loved ones who you dread hearing their voice on the phone?

Do you have loved ones whose lives are constantly in turmoil?

Do you have loved ones who are draining your retirement savings?

Have you laid down the law stating "this is the last time?". And . . they continue to call and . . . you continue to bail them out.

If it's your kids and they are older than 21 . . . you are supporting your adult children. It's not your job to support them and their families (this is not a helping hand - it is the norm and they expect it from you). You are not responsible for their lively hood or their kids. They need to take responsibility for their lives. And you have to allow them the opportunity to live their lives on their efforts. . . . and become proud of their own accomplishments.

I promise you that if you do . . . like I told Jose. . . you will be so proud at what they can accomplish. You will be glad to hear their voice saying "guess what. . . . !". You owe your loved ones this and they will thank you down the road. And you will be able to live your life and dreams.

Namaste Speedo

Chase Your Potential . . Your Life - Your Rules!