Respecting Commitments

I am sitting here stewing over assuming that someone would do what they said they would do at a specific time.

I was brought up to keep my word and appointments. If something comes up, I was taught to call and make other arrangements - to communicate so the other party doesn't have to wonder what's going on. It's respectful. It's courtesy. It's the proper thing to do. 

For two days my friend told me that he had an errand to run and would be right over. To me that means maybe 15 or 30 minutes - not unreasonable. The first day I wanted to know what time so I could make other plans to remain productive while I waited or to be ready because we wanted to squeeze in a visit to the hospital to comfort a friend. Two hours later he showed up and acted as if nothing was wrong. 

The following day this same friend lead me to believe that he had an errand to run and would be right over to pick up something - maybe a 3 minute stop - and then he would be on his way. I prepared the items for pick up and waited. And waited. No call. 3 and a 1/2 hours later - still no word.

Since I was brought up by a man who based his livelihood and our families welfare from sales, (ie to be on time and prompt to close the sale) I feel totally disrespectful to not even - after a 1/2 hour to explain that he couldn't do it today. 

I believe that we know at the time we make a commitment, appointment, that we know if we will do what we say we are going to do. It's not that difficult. I do not say yes unless I mean yes. I do not say no unless I mean no. Am I that unreasonable to expect the same thing from others? It seems that I was born on a different planet. . maybe they were.

Today people will tell you what they think you want to hear and then blow you off at their convenience. 

How you do handle being blown off at an others whim? In business, to find someone who is trustworthy - specially in these economic times - standing out from the crowd, being respectful, communicating - means a lot. 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Totally Unreasonable??

"It's not like you're being totally unreasonable. It's that no one - seems to be willing to see things your way. Now - Why might that be?"

I know that I can relate to the statement. I have to admit - I don't think that it's wrong to have our own opinions. I believe it's only human nature that our personal experiences color our beliefs and reactions to ideals and events. This is not to say that things can change with new current factual information or a new personal experience.

I have to look to see if I need to evolve in certain areas. As we all should do. Am I hanging onto beliefs out of traditions and habits? Am I so entrenched in my beliefs that I have become closed minded to others' opinions. I hope not.

I find that I need - yes this is a real need - to remain willing, honest and open-minded as I walk through my life daily. Any resistance to new ideas and I find myself clogged with suffering. What do I mean? From time to time I suffer from not allowing myself to become vulnerable to what life is presenting me. I become a director and not a participant in life. A sad state of affairs.

Can you relate to being closed off to vulnerability and the gifts that it brings? What can you do to open yourself up? Could it be entrenched fear left over from eons ago? It might be interesting to discover what you find when you take an honest, open-minded, willing look? 

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Accepting Good-Bye

I don't know why - but I have had a tough time accepting "good-bye and take care" from my last relationship. I guess it was because it wasn't my idea. Isn't that the way it goes.

Today I was able to close the door on it. I am so co-dependent when it come to relationships that it drives me - and them - nuts. I am working on it through men's group - 7-10 men that meet weekly for support and working the Coda steps. I have found relief.

I must add - it helps - but it doesn't totally relieve the pain of being rejected. What a demoralizing feeling. There really is nothing that you can do about but go through it.

I did get my guitar back and that helps. There is something about playing music that eases most of the pain. I have always turned to music when I go through losses. It is my way of grieving. 

Writing helps too.

I wish her only happiness and love . . . the same as I wish for myself.

Your Life - Your Rules

Namaste Speedo

Honor Life

I have been going through a number  of changes in my life recently. What I have learned walking my path is I have to be vigilant in my approach to friends and strangers a like. 

When circumstances affect my life style - relationship break-up or new, work changes - loosing or acquiring, health issues, personal loss - I have to remain optimistic and vulnerable to life and remain an observer to new opportunities placed in front of me. 

Life is a constant change from this to that. Whether it's a good change or bad is up to the amount of resistance to change that envelops me. When I release my resistance I become willing to welcome a new life full of excitement and surprise my spirit shines and I meet your spirit.

Today I choose to let go of all my resistance that has been blocking my life. I release it and shout to the heavens "Next". 

How do you choose to honor life today? Resistance is always followed by release - only we know how long it will take. I am responsible for my life and choices I make.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

Old Friends

This morning I listened to a gal-friend tell me about a girlfriend that she has had for over thirty years and the struggles she's having watching her path in life. She told me that it breaks her heart to hear the denial and excuses that her friend gives for her destructive actions.

I ask her why does she choose to have her remain a close friend in her life? Her answer was the same answer that we give for keeping 'old friends' close to us - Loyalty to her friend.

I thought of what Erick Butterworth said (I paraphrase) - "The greatest harm we can do to ourselves or others is to keep them in our lives too long. We do not know when we meet someone whether they should remain in our lives 5 minutes or 50 years". When we hang on to people too long - we inhibit the wonderful experience of having some new soul walk into our lives full of surprise and delight.

I have been guilty of keep girlfriends, men, employers, whoever in my life to the point that they became a destructive influence to me. I dreaded their phone call or walking into work. Learning to 'let go' of them has given me the courage to create a vacuum so new positive influence, new jobs could enter my life.

It takes courage to set boundaries with old friends and employers. It takes courage to go through that 'empty scared' feeling of being alone. I have to garner the faith that I am doing what is best for 'my life'. It takes practice to risk that I am taking the right action for me.

Who are you hanging on to out of habit? Is your loyalty to yourself or others? Take an inventory of your "friends" and see what you find. I bet you will be surprised.

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo

My Knowledge v/s My Experience

I was talking to a friend the other day and she told me that she understood what I was going through. I ask her to share her experience with me and to my surprise she told me that she had watched a friend go through what I'm going through. She added "It'll all work out just fine."


I watched 50 go by a number of years ago. When I was in my frustrating youth - 20's and 30's - I really thought that my knowledge would serve me just as well as experience. Boy was I wrong! The old saying "Don't judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes" comes to mind.


You just cannot replace experience with any amount of knowledge. Theory is wonderful, but it is not fact. You cannot undo a heartbreak unless you have had a big one yourself. Why? Because theory tells you the you will get over it. While Experience has shown you that it will take quite a while until you can pick yourself up and move on. It's the depth of your love for that person that can never be replaced no matter how many acquaintances you try on. If it's not there - it is not there.


The same goes for all life's lessons as wells as all relationships you might enter. Each one is unique and precious. No knowledge will replace the real experience. We can lean on the past but we need to stay vulnerable to the now and the future. Love is all there is!


What does your Knowledgetell you? What does your Experience tell you?


Your Life - Your Rules!


Namaste Speedo

Short Term Memory

How long is your memory? Really!

Too long causes problems - I know. I have had t ability to hold on to memories - resentments - for way too long. They, so I thought, use to serve me well. I wouldn't allow 'that' to happen again or allow myself to taken advantage of by the same person or group.

What would happen to me if I became instilled with a short-term memory?

This really is an important question to explore. What I discovered was I became free to live my life instead of always holding onto 'wrongs' that I allowed to happen to me. Freedom to become vulnerable to life and all or its' surprises. What a gift!

Today I could no longer live with a long-term memory full of resentment, grudges, shuns. It would destroy the man that I have worked so hard to become.

How's your memory? What is it filled with? Is it stifling your outlook on today and the future?

Your Life - Your Rules!

Namaste Speedo